Samantha Ronson Says Lindsay Lohan's New BFF Is Jack Crack

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 30 April 2010

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image for Samantha Ronson Says Lindsay Lohan's New BFF Is Jack Crack
A recent photo of Lindsay Lohan which she took herself.

SANTA MONICA - Lindsay Lohan's ex-boyfriend Samantha Ronson says she is afraid of where LiLo is headed. Ronson revealed that Lindsay has gotten to the point where she just does not care.

Ronson said that LiLo's new BFF seems to be Jack Crack. She said that lately, people have reported that the ex-actress is wearing all of her clothes inside out. She is wearing her left shoe on her right foot and her right shoe on her left foot.

Lindsay has started watching reruns of Wheel of Fortune to increase her vocabulary skills. But word is that all she has learned is, "Hey Pat, I wanna buy a vowel."

Her maid has stated off the record that La L. has suddenly begun wearing crotchless panties, nippleless bras, and an Indian chief headdress with no feathers.

Lohan is also going around telling people that she was one of Tiger Woods' scorecard cuties, one of Jesse James' cycle chicks, and one of Wanda Sykes' black bitches, which is weird since LiLo looks about as black as Oprah looks thin.

Ronson said that she remembers when LiLo was fun to be around. The two used to go to a McDonald's drive-thru at 2 a.m., order 48 Big Macs and then tell the drive thru attendant that they only had enough money to pay for 47.

Samantha also thought back about the dozens and dozens of times that the two would just spend hours and hours lying in bed with her (Ronson) counting all of the freckles on LiLo's naked body.

Ronson laughs and says that sometimes she would actually fall asleep during the counting, which was usually after having counted 900 or so freckles.

LiLo has told just about everybody including Rush Limbaugh, Jerry Springer, and Cloris Leachman, that she has never met a more masculine female than Ronson. Lohan said that she loves the way that Ronson is constantly spitting, talking about NASCAR, and grabbing her crotch.

In a related story. Lohan has stated that the rumors about her actually dating a male are totally false. She has in fact stated several times that she is allergic to peckers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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