Kelly Clarkson Blames Her Weight Gain on Record Mogul Clive Davis

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 30 April 2010

image for Kelly Clarkson Blames Her Weight Gain on Record Mogul Clive Davis
Kelly eats three Big Macs for lunch each day. (Photo from the Kirstie Alley Collection).

EAU CLAIRE, Wisconsin - Kelly Clarkson's personal hair stylist Jose of San Jose has revealed that the Texas songstress has been very depressed of late.

José, as his Hispanic friends refer to him, was with Clarkson while she accepted a life time achievement award from The State of Wisconsin Cheese Cutters Coalition.

The flamboyant San Jose hair stylist, who lists Elton John and Barney Frank as his two most favorite gaysters, lisped that the last seven times he has combed Clarkson's hair he has had to stop so that she can dry her tears, so that they don't get all over her bangs.

José says that it is a real "beach" having to work around Kelly's tears. He confessed in broken-as-hell English, "Mees Keyley chee ease too mucho sensateeve because of her fat weight. For dee pass two months chee has bean eeeting like for tree peoples.

"For dee breakfast chee eeets two of dee Famous Ten Item Torpedo sandweechez from The Soobmarine Sandweech Chop. Den for launch chee eeets tree Big Mackers from Mickey Dees, and for deenur chee goes tu Taco Belly and eeets a dubble delox Mexican deenur plate wiff dubble helpings of rice, beans, tacos, enchiladas, and piñata shaped chile rellenos (stuffed peppers)."

José says that it is sad that Kelly Clarkson refuses to believe that her recent 56 pound weight gain is due to her overeating.

She has instructed her public relations media rep to blame her fatness on the criticism that she received last year from record producer Clive Davis.

Davis, if you will recall, told the music media that Clarkson had become one of the most arrogantly sarcastic prima donna divas that he has ever known; even worse than the former singer Madonna.

To view some uniquely eerie photographs of Kelly Clarkson's love handles log on to

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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