Lebanon - Barbaric killing of murder suspect

Funny story written by Mike Roberts

Friday, 30 April 2010


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image for Lebanon - Barbaric killing of murder suspect
"This is how I killed them" said Mr Muslem

Lebanese officials are investigating the lynching of an Egyptian man in a small village in the country.

Mohammed Muslem, a 38-year-old Egyptian reportedly working as a butcher in Ketermaya village, had allegedly confessed to shooting and killing an old couple and their two grandchildren when they had questioned the price of his 'premium' kebab meat.

The trouble flared up when the man, being escorted by local police, was asked to reenact the earlier events near the scene of the crime. Without warning, the accused man pulled out a pistol and shot an old couple who happened to be walking along the street at the time. "That's how I did it!" he shouted.

Police officers, stunned by his overly realistic reenactment, quickly manhandling the accused to the ground and took the gun from him. However, a crowd of angry villagers quickly gathered and the police had to stand by helpless as the villagers took their revenge, beating the Egyptian with sticks and stabbing him with knives.

The man quickly succumbed to his injuries and the villagers took the, now lifeless, body to the town square and hung it on a butcher's hook from Mr Muslem's very own meat shop.

Upon hearing of the atrocity, Interior Minister Ziad Baroud made an announcement on state TV ordering an immediate investigation and said such vigilante action was "extremely dangerous".

A man from Ketermaya, watching the broadcast, responded "Talk about stating the bloody obvious. Of course it's dangerous, we were trying to kill the bastard!"

The police who were finally able to intervene after 30 minutes and take the body away said,

"Whatever the feelings of the villagers, nothing can justify this type of reaction,"

But villagers were unrepentant. "This man came to our quiet little village and he did a very bad thing. We aren't ashamed of what we did, he deserved it. Anyway, it's about time something interesting happened around here."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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