Jack Tweed's Mates In Night Club Bust Up - Quelle Surprise!

Written by Skoob1999

Friday, 30 April 2010

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Lost On The Underground Again. Does This Train Stop At Cockfosters?

Jack Tweed, famous for marrying the late Jade Goody, wazzing on her leg in CBB and frankly not much else, apart from being acquitted of rape charges, has been feeling the backlash from the public after a group of his friends became involved in a violent confrontation in a Soho nightclub.

"It's not surprising," Professor Enery Iggins of Mile End University told me. "The bloke always came across as being a bit of an empty suit. Then he's accused of rape. Sure, he was acquitted, but the fact is that shit sticks. Rightly or wrongly. Quite frankly I'm not at all surprised that somebody had a pop at him. It's what happens when you go larging it up and flashing your dead wife's cash. Somebody is bound to take exception at some point and take it upon themselves to give him a bloody good twatting."

"If I saw him in the street, I'd deck the cunt straight off," Liam Gallagher, former Oasis front man turned fashion designer told me. "I'd just fuckin' spark him man. Know what I mean? Oh sorry...I thought you were talking about roly-poly Bolton funny man Peter Kay...Jack who? Oh for fuck's sake where's me class A drugs? You lot are doing me fuckin' head in. Mad for it."

Speaking from the USA, problem child, Lindsay Lohan told me:

"I just did a photo shoot. Wearing erotic lingerie. They splashed a whole lot of fake blood around to make it look edgy. It was cool. Who the hell is Jack Tweed?"

More as I make it up.

Providing I don't get lost on the Underground.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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