Bedfordshire police have been humiliated after the owner of bungalow in Chalton Heights was cleared of running a brothel from the property.
An investigation into the goings-on at the property was initiated after adverts appeared in local newspapers advertising a topless massage service with 'happy endings'.
Police raided the bungalow in November 2008 and found the owner and four other women along with five male clients.
"It was a bizarre set up" said one of the arresting officers, "The men were all dressed in nappies, had dummies in their mouths and had 'play rooms' filled with toys."
In court, all of the accused denied there had been any 'sexual' activity and said that they were simply play acting a fantasy based upon the men's childhood.
"Being middle-aged women, we are perfect for the role." said the 49-year-old 'Mother' Finch, the bungalow's owner. "We cater for a niche market that has very special requirements."
Mother Finch went on to explain that the women had clubbed together to buy the bungalow as they needed a place where the 'little ones' would be safe and where there would be no risk of them falling down the stairs.
The prosecuting lawyer tried several tactics during his cross examination. First he questioned the meaning of 'happy endings' in the adverts. Mother Finch replied "This of course refers to the bedtime stories the clients liked to have read to them before their afternoon nap."
Changing tack the prosecutor asked why the women needed to be topless, if their activity was all so innocent. Mother Finch quickly pointed out that this was a purely 'symbolic' gesture on their part and enhanced their 'motherly' image.
In exasperation the lawyer finally put it to them directly that they had provided sexual gratification for the men but, once again, Mother Finch had an explanation ready.
"We are play acting the men's childhood, at a time when they were young babies, of course there was no sex. The closest we got was a little peck on the cheek before putting them to bed. What do you think we are, priests!"
By the time the jury was asked to retire to consider it's verdict, many of them had completely lost their 'cool' and were openly laughing in court. "The not guilty verdict they returned ten minutes later was not entirely unexpected." said the judge.
One of the jurors said in an interview with us later, "Of course, we all know they [the women] are as guilty as sin, but not only did the police fail to provide any especially incriminating evidence, we enjoyed Mother Finch's performance so much we just couldn't find it in our heart to convict her."
