Brit Catholics In a Huff After Vatican Slur
British Catholic Leaders yesterday expressed their pique at the suggestion by The Pope's Number Two man, Cardinal Torquemada Biscuitone that paedophiles are gay. Cardinal Biscuitone - looking edible, if a little jowly for my tastes (can't say that...
Read full storyUK Spoof Summit Details Sketchy Amidst Heightened Security Concerns!
Reports concerning the announced Spoof Summit Meeting tentatively penciled in for 'sometime in August' have taken on a sinister air amidst heightened security concerns due to "abnormal cell phone traffic and Forum Postings originating in Ireland" a...
Read full storyThe First Election Debate - A Clear Victor Emerges
They came, they saw, they wittered on...and on...But a clear winner emerged last night in the first ever televised election debate. Nick Clegg. By a mile. SUIT Cameron scored 4 out of 5. Nicely cut suit, neatly stitched, dandruff traces on coll...
Read full storyBile Street Blues: GOP In The Big Easy
They came to New Orleans last weekend in their string ties, bee hive hairdos, cowboy boots, and dour looks. It was not a happy crowd at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference. One observer noted that it was like being at a lemon eating contest...
Read full story"Cover your arses" says Pope
Pope Benedict XVI shocked the world today when he said that Catholics had to 'do penance' for the sins of the church. "Obviously, I'm the Pope so I've already got my free pass into heaven. You lot on the other hand are going to have to start cover...
Read full storyPalin Given Top Spot at ASHOL
Sarah Palin's publicist, Rick Maver, announced today that Alaska's former governor has been signed on as head of ASHOL (American Society of Hateful and Odious Loonies). Society headquarters are located in Clayton, Michigan, where a number of simi...
Read full storyGay Community to Get New Generation of Prophylactics
The Sexually Transmitted Disease Control Administration (STDCA) today announced a new and more stringent set of standards for prophylactics designed for homosexuals. Assistant to the Deputy Director of Human Penetration, Dr. Dooky Mouser, address...
Read full storyAbuse victims tell Pope: Be a man - admit offences committed by priests and stop putting blame elsewhere
VATICAN: For some reason or the other it seems that the Pope and his circle of advisers are still having trouble "admitting their misdeeds". Abuse survivors across the world have gathered here to ask the Pope to "finally admit the truth and stop...
Read full storyBritish airspace lockdown 'thwarts another pants bomber'
London - (Lava Palaver): Pals of Christmas Day pants bomber Omar Farouk Abdel-Muttalab are livid. Their SqueezyJet no-frills charter flight ploy to test-drive new surgical implant explosives has boobed. Thanks to some blasted volcanic eruption...
Read full storyJohn Terry and Ashley Cole shortlisted for PFA award
Chelsea stars John Terry and Ashley Cole are among four players shortlisted for this year's PFA award. Not the Professional Footballer's Association player of the year award, but the Professional Fucking Around performance of the year award. John...
Read full storyDavid Cameron organises Old Etonian "Fag Jamboree"
David Cameron, head of the Conservative Party, who satirists everywhere are praying wins the next general election (because he is so much funnier than Brown), is organising a fund-raising event with his old chums from Eton college, the prestigious bu...
Read full storyGovenor Scharzenegger Slain While Battling Apple's Iborg Phone!
Govenor Scharzenegger was killed today in Southern California after a vicious assault by Apple's latest tech toy the 'Iborg'. Details are just now emerging but apparently there was a mix-up in delivery and the multitasking phone/pad was sent to D...
Read full storyAs volcano erupts in Iceland politicians sacrifice virgins to appease angry gods. Canada sees big increase in refugee applications from Iceland.
ICELAND: Ash clouds from Iceland's spewing volcano halted air traffic across much of Europe on Thursday. Not since 911 has the world seen such a large-scale grounding of flights. Residents of Iceland have been watching their local volcano become...
Read full storyIceland to be punished for volcanoes
Soon-to-be-replaced Prime Minister Gordon Brown has promised severe penalties for Iceland if they do not stop their volcanoes from spewing ash over northern Europe, which is causing havoc to airlines and threatening asthma sufferers. Mr Brown has...
Read full storyBerlusconi rushed to mental asylum
Italy's Prime-minister "Silvio Berlusconi" was forcefully rushed to a local loony bin for an emergency evaluation today after he exited his mansion wielding a Roman gladius dressed in a toga wearing makeup claiming he was going to conquer Gaul again...
Read full storyTrigger Happy Senator John McCain
Critical of the cautious U.S. position of not practicing loose canon diplomacy, Senator John McCain (formerly known as The Maverick) tried to kick start an international incident, (and another war in the middle east) by saying that the U.S. keeps poi...
Read full storyThe Sun Misses Small Matter Of Icelandic Volcano Eruption
When it comes to who's first with the BIG STORIES it would appear that THE SPOOF beats THE SUN hands down every time! The popular British tabloid newspaper COMPLETELY OMITTED TO MENTION the perhaps INSIGNIFICANT fact that clouds of silica-loaded...
Read full storyLiar Liar Liar as Labour ,Tory & Liberal appear on the lying Bastards Debate
Its Liar Liar Liar as Brown, Cameron, and Clegg appear in the undemocratic so called leaders debate tonight. The Great Liars Debate is restricted to only these three stooges making this the most undemocratic debate ever in the UK, so its time they st...
Read full storyIceland uses Weapon of Mass Disruption
Iceland are being accused of using weapons of mass disruption after a gigantic cloud of volcanic ash made its way across from Iceland. President Obama is watching the situation closely as he might decide to take action against Iceland, for using a we...
Read full storyMr Bean wants to change his name
Les Bean wants to change his name which he has had trouble with since the day he started school, can you imagine what poor Les had to put up with, he even recalls teachers laughing uncontrollably when they took the morning register and called out his...
Read full storyKatie Price Erupts Over TV Debate
Businesswoman and model, Katie Price, has literally blown her top after hearing the news that she has not received an official invitation to the forthcoming Prime Ministerial Debate in Manchester. Speaking at her earlier Price conference Katie was...
Read full story20 Amazing Facts about Britain's Got Talent
With BGT hysteria about to descend on to our screens we decided to take a real look at the show. Here are 20 facts about the show and the panel; 1.BGT's panel of judges have about as much combined talent as a primary school for the deaf's Christmas play. 2.All acts are viewed first by a nameless panel. They then split the contestants in to two groups, one named 'ahhh could make Amanda cry'...
Read full storyIceland Volcano Hoax Works A Treat
It was pints of scrumpy all round this afternoon at the Cockwell Inn at Shard as local farmers Sam Niblett and Barney Howell toasted their best ever practical joke. "It wuz a bloody corker!" raved Sam as he raised his glass of scrumpy. It trans...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart Take A Day Off
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart announced that they're taking a day off. The overworked teen idols inform friends that even a junkyard dog needs to take an occasional time-out. Friends say that it's a good idea that the youngsters take a day...
Read full storyVatican says Catholic Church must 'do it all again'
In an outrageous statement, the Vatican has defiantly called on Roman Catholics to "do it all again", an apparent reference to the recent child sexual abuse scandal. He said Catholics were "under attack from left-wing, namby-pamby, paedo-bashing l...
Read full storyAl Gore Blames Iceland Ash Puke a Result of Global Warming
As expected the recent natural eruption of a volcano in Iceland has brought out the Al Gores of the world. The event has puked out tons of noxious ash blotting out the sun and grounding air traffic not to mention causing potential air contaminati...
Read full storyKhalid sheikh Mohammed protects Shakes
Khalid sheikh Mohammed was indicted on Wednesday for his alleged role in the World trade center bombings. The justice department was willing to give him a lighter sentence for any information regarding the other shakes involved. He said he was hap...
Read full storyIceland pays its debts back to the UK - In Smoke and Ash
Iceland has found a novel way of repaying the UK the billions owed after the collapse of Icesave in the form of smoke and ash - albeit by accident. The debt ridden country has always been reluctant to pay back money to the UK so decided to ask eac...
Read full storyComing Soon: "Larry King Dead" New Talk Show Hosted by Larry's Soon to be 8th Ex Wife After Scandal Involving Her Hot Sister!
Geriatric fans and viewers were in a state of 'suspended' disbelief today after it was announced the late night talk show host and serial philanderer Larry King was embroiled in yet another 'trouser worm' scandal leading to divorce court. The 76...
Read full storyEmperor Brown to torture his critics
London, Friday. Following his announcement to institute a one party republican state, Gordon Brown has proclaimed himself Emperor of the British Isles and Commonwealth. Brown made the announcement on YouTube and also over BBC World Service radio.
Read full storyBilly Connolly tells Icelanders what to do
Billy Connolly has read enough about the nasty Icelanders attempts to sink his native land. He has decided it's time for action. "I've gone back to my early years and recorded a song that no one will ever understand. No, it's not my classic Welly...
Read full storyDigester's Reader: Aunt Rose's Missouri Hexed Eggs
With all those hard boiled eggs that you colored for Easter, but that now take up space in the fridge, there's an answer; devil them. Well, to be more precise, you'd bedevil them with Aunt Rose's Missouri Hexed Eggs recipe. Aunt Rose, who lives in Goblin, Missouri, has been making her famous bedeviled hexed eggs for over 50 years for three generations of her family and friends. And though mu...
Read full storyWoods to follow in Pope's footsteps to find redemption
Following a disappointing return to competitive golf at the Augusta Masters' tournament over the weekend, world number one Tiger Woods has said he is contemplating taking a page out of Pope Benedict XVI's playbook and scheduling a rejuvenating visit...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Sends Andrew Garcia and Katie Stevens Packing
HOLLYWOOD - Well the fact that he was just not getting any better finally caught up with Californian Andrew Garcia. The neck tattooed, overweight American Idol wannabee just flat ran out of luck. America got tired of his listless, spiritless, emot...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Survives Another Week on Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - One of the most famous mothers in the history of TV reality shows Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8 has somehow managed to survive another week on Dancing With The Stars. Kate's professional dance teacher Tony Dovolani shook his hea...
Read full storyArsenal Computer Glitch - Paradis is new signing
A red faced Arsenal spokesperson was forced to admit that a computer glitch had resulted in the somewhat surprise signing of Vanessa Paradis as an Arsenal Player, on a 4 year deal. Paradis, a one hit wonder with Joe LeTaxi and now wife of Hollywo...
Read full storyBlanket news coverage conceals vast Icelandic carbon monoxide disaster
Reykjavik - (Ashes to Ashes): Reporting about the massive poison gas cloud threat from the Eyjafjallajoekull glacier volcano is being deliberately obscured. Toxic news items surrounding Michael Jackson's son Prince Michael II, aka Blanket, are bei...
Read full story40 phrases you don't want to here from a girl friend or spouse
40 phrases you don't want to here from a girl friend or spouse 1. "Deeper, come on Deeper Dammit!" 2. "Don't worry babe, it's a common thing" 3. "I would love to kiss you but your breath smells" 4. "Don't worry he's just a friend." 5. "I wish I would of married your brother." 6. "Was that your balls I just sat on ?" 7. "leave the seat up one more time and I'm gonna cast...
Read full storyWenger suggests voluntary crapness
After admitting that Arsenal will end their fifth season in a row without winning so much as a pissing contest, their manager, Arsene Wenger has suggested that the club should follow the example of other unsuccessful clubs, like Liverpool. "I real...
Read full storyTwins see red
Identical twin footballers Darren and John McNumpty have got into the footballing hall of fame but not for a reason that they would have chosen. In the Conference North match between Hide Untied and Wookieton the twins were playing for Hide Untied...
Read full storyJamaican Fleet Sails to UK to Rescue Stranded Air Passengers
Due to one rather untimely volcanic eruption in Iceland, and with what may now also be an extended grounding for air travel into and out of the UK, those wishing to travel where neither tires nor trains go, has become just a little problematic. B...
Read full story"Sun fizzling out" link to cold UK winters
The UK and continental Europe could be gripped by more frequent cold winters in the future as a result of the "sun fizzling out", say researchers. They identified a link between fewer sunspots on people's skin and kite flying that "blocks" warm, w...
Read full storyAshes to Ashes Susan Boyle and Bjork duet for Scottish ski centre
Pure white snow at the Lecht, in Scotland, turned black as ash from Iceland coated everything in a thick film. Skiers at the Lecht could not ash plough and snowboarders were soon head to toe black ruining all their expensive grunge gear. Scotti...
Read full storyShawn Hannity's head used as a battering ram
NY. NY.: Shawn Hannity's head was used today as a battering ram to save the life of a trapped fox employee who apparently locked himself in the buildings walk in freezer. He was called to the kitchen after witnesses herd a man yelling from within...
Read full storyGeneral Election in UK causes General Eruption in Iceland
A General Election Debate in the UK is the cause of A General Eruption of a Volcano in Iceland. The volcanic eruption has caused a massive cloud of volcanic dust above the atmosphere which has led to the disruption of flights in the UK. Paddy Ashd...
Read full storyIceland Fires Volcano at the UK
Relations between the UK and Iceland have descended to an all time low as the tiny island nation appears to have fired one of its volcanoes at the British Government. While politicians in Reykjavik have been silent on the issue, Professor David P...
Read full storyBasil Brush loves Megan Fox and the Colonel's Chicken
Basil Brush TV personality of the year or he should be, today was asked about the rumours that he loves Megan Fox, the American actress and Model. We asked Basil do you like Megan Fox, to which he replied "BOOM BOOM". Basil went on to say that he...
Read full storyShock: Fighters Fly Off The Handle.
A London born man has been detained by police indefinitely for pissing on someone's chips. Mr Walken-Cleeshay, who as every schoolboy knows is as old as Methuselah, committed the lewd act and subsequently had his collar felt, after coming to logge...
Read full storyBA Staff make deal with Greek Gods
British Airways staff are said to be back on strike today, after making a virgin sacrifice to the volcanic Goddess Pele. In return Pele has coated British air space in volcanic ash, grounding almost every flight across Great Britain. This is...
Read full storyAlternative view: Kermit supports the Green Party
Kermit the Frog has jumped into the election debate and told people he is supporting the Green Party at the election. "If any of these reds or blues come to your door canvassing tell them to hop it, the green party is the party for me and all frog...
Read full storyDr Dolittle talks to Toad of Toad Hall
Dr Dolittle talks to Toad Of Toad Hall about the amazing ability he has to predict the future. The Doctor met Toad of Toad Hall in Toad Hall where else, and asked him about his claims about predicting the future. "I can predict the Wind in the Willows, when we are going to get strong winds, rain, snow, but most important of all me and my fellow toads can predict when earthquakes are going to ha...
Read full storyEarthquake in China, Volcano erupts in Iceland as Planet X gets even Closer
Mad Micky Morrison the former scientist who is as mad as a hatter claimed today that the earthquake in China, and the Volcanic eruption in Iceland are caused by the fact that Planet X is now even closer to earth which is going to increase the number...
Read full storySusan Boyle wants to do a duet with Jimmy Osmond
Susan Boyle in recent days has become crazy about doing duets, or maybe she is just plain crazy. She appeared yesterday with a gleaming set of sparkling white teeth, that any Hollywood star would be proud of claiming she wanted to do a duet with Jimm...
Read full storyIceland demands 'cash for ash'
Icelandic volcanic ash alert grounds UK flights - Tension between the UK and Iceland is running high today after Iceland filed a claim in the International courts demanding that countries pay for the volcanic ash currently falling across Europe and d...
Read full storyVictor Nicholas & Erskin Quint Discover the Source of the Great Bumbogoola River - Part The First
Members of the exclusive Threadbare Street Bogus Officers Club - the only club of its kind to admit bogus bishops and females - were held rapt last night, as eminent explorers and thespoof.com authors Victor Nicholas and Erskin Quint delivered a fascinating after-dinner lecture on their recent expedition to the Ufganufgwa Interior in search of the source of the Great Green Bumbogoola River of East...
Read full storyTony Blair offers Gordon Brown 'help' to prepare for Britain's first US-styled TV election debate
Bamboozling the voters or Britain's first televised election debate - take your pick. At the starting gate - it's Gordon Blair vs. David (Dave) Cameron vs. Nick Clegg. So who will win, who will stumble at the first hurdle; whose upper lip will break out in a nervy sweat? Desperate Labour officials have been viewing old JFK vs.Nixon tapes for tips. Of the three, chances are that Gordon Brow...
Read full storyMichelle "Sandra Bullock's Nightmare" McGee Claims She's Not a Nazi Scumbag
Michelle "Bombshell" McGee says in documents filed in her custody battle for her children that she is not a Nazi scumbag. "I do NOT have a swastika tattoo on me," the alleged mistress of Jesse James said as she quickly drew over her tattoo with a...
Read full storyKaczynski burial plan causes banana split
A row has broken out over the decision to bury Polish President Lech Kaczynski in Wawel cathedral in Krakow - a place reserved for Poland's kings, heroes and Banana Splits. Hundreds have taken to the streets of the southern city in protest at the...
Read full storyWestboro Baptist Church Donates 1 Million Dollars to Build Automated Animal Gas Chamber
Reverend Phelps and his flock of 3 eyed, 5 legged, inbred sheep have donated 1 million dollars to their home state of Ignorance. This money is to be used to build a state of the art automated gas chamber capable of destroying 3,000 dogs a day. R...
Read full storyPamela Anderson Sizzles Sexuality on Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - Pamela Anderson showed the viewing audience of Dancing With The Stars that even at the age of 42, she can still give off enough sparks to start a California forest fire in no time at all. Pam's dancing partner Damian Whitewood has got...
Read full storyShakira - Hotly Tipped To Become The Spoof's Numero Uno
As a result of chronic over-exposure and the subsequent decline in popularity of its staple sex symbols, Cheryl Cole, Miley Cyrus, Katie Price etc etc satirical website TheSpoof.com has been looking further afield for a new sex symbol to take over th...
Read full storyShakira Not Really A Gypsy
We can exclusively reveal today, right here, that the sexy Shakira, contrary to what her latest song title may say, is NOT a Gypsy. She is, in fact, Colombian. The 33 year old diva was actually born and bred in the home of drug cartels, coca pl...
Read full storyElin Nordegren - The Smart Money Says Its A $200mil Divorce
Sources close to Elin Nordegren are drip feeding us with snippets of information which appear to suggest that Elin Nordegren will initiate divorce proceedings against errant husband Tiger Woods. We cannot stress too highly here that the news we're...
Read full storyGrad Students Dumpster Dive for Palin Dirt
In the never ending search to bring Sarah Palin down like an Alaskan Moose graduate students at Hillary College in California scavenged a BFI greenie. The dumpster in question held vital intelligence into the psyche of the Presidential hopeful an...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Loses 50 Pounds In One Week on Obama's Darfur Diet
World known weight yo-yo Kirstie Alley embraced the opportunity to Dance with the Stars by shedding fifty pounds in one week! The champion of the new diet is none other than Michelle Obama who is using her respected political status in order to a...
Read full storySelena Gomez Crowned The New Queen - Miley's Just So Last Month
It's amazing what can be achieved by keeping your head down, working hard, learning from the experiences of others, and not getting so far up yourself that you lose all sense of perspective, not to mention your grip on reality. Which seems to be e...
Read full storySusan Boyle's new Summer Clothing Line
Susan Boyle, having met with so much success with her Spring Fashion Line, is now about to 'launch' her Summer Fashion Line. We were lucky enough to be invitied to a 'sneak preview' of Subo's summer line. Gone are the mini skirts. In are the midis. These skirts and dresses will allow ALL women to enjoy wearing the 'latest' outfits without having to show the world their cellulite. (Great mo...
Read full storyPrimark withdraws - Vatican upset
Church leaders are said to be incensed over the reported withdrawal by Primark of padded bikinis for girls as young as seven. "Given the Vatican's new hard-line stance on paedophile priests the recreational pastimes of our clergy are becoming more...
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