Geriatric fans and viewers were in a state of 'suspended' disbelief today after it was announced the late night talk show host and serial philanderer Larry King was embroiled in yet another 'trouser worm' scandal leading to divorce court.
The 76 year old talk show personality, formerly known as Lawrence Harvey Zeigler, who changed his name when he found out it was a detriment to getting laid in Miami during his early radio days, has been hauled into divorce court by his wife of 13 years who claims the easily infatuated and penis obsessed celebrity apologist, had a long, torrid, and expensive affair with her younger and "hotter" sister.
The sister says that the almost $1m in gifts, including a $160,000 car, were merely 'fatherly' expressions of familial love, and certainly "not incestuous in any way!"
King's long history of infatuations, furtive wankings under the interview desk,
and lip slathering platitudes when dealing with surgically enhanced Hollywood personalities is legend.
It is said he watched "Basic Instinct" starring Sharon Stone 52 times leading up to her appearance and led off the interview by saying, "Gee, I just loved your smile in that movie," referring to her beaver shot when being interviewed by Homicide Cop Michael Douglas in the now infamous clip.
Camera staff on the set, and viewers at home ,thought a 6.5 earthquake was occurring in the studio as Larry's desk was 'really hopping' according to an intern assigned to working under the desk and helping Larry "dress right."
Network execs were said to be ready to cancel the suspender wearing sleep inducing host, who's 'sagging' career was saved with the discovery and marketing of male enhancement drug, Viagra. Since that magic pill was introduced Larry has wed and shed wives , and made a fool out of himself pandering to the likes of Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson and any other notables who had ever made a sex tape during a drug and alcohol fueled session of 'personal discovery.'
The current Mrs. King said acidly, "That cradle raiding sex maniac Larry King is Dead to me! Furthermore, the sex was getting really kinky...who refuses to take off their boxer shorts during sex because they're held up by suspenders with pictures of Johnny 'Wad' Holmes...the wrinkled cretin is delusional!"
She continued, "the only reason he thinks his Dick is so big, he keeps looking at it through those coke bottle lens he's has to wear in order to read the script on that boring F******g show he uses to meet new bimbos....BASTARD!"
A spokesman for King said the charges were bogus. "Larry never took advantage of any woman. If there was any sex involved it was consensual
and the result of just being in the right place at the right time ...after all, when you're his age with his history of heart problems, you never know when it could be "Last Call for Bimbos."
The network said that due to the uproar, and respect for it's outraged viewers, they were canceling the appearance of Sarah Palin and replacing her with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
"That ought to cure his problem," said sex therapist Dr. Ruth, "not even a few blue pills will overcome that wake up call!"
