Digester's Reader: Aunt Rose's Missouri Hexed Eggs

Written by Frank Michaels

Thursday, 15 April 2010


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Aunt Rose of Goblin, Missouri

With all those hard boiled eggs that you colored for Easter, but that now take up space in the fridge, there's an answer; devil them.

Well, to be more precise, you'd bedevil them with Aunt Rose's Missouri Hexed Eggs recipe.

Aunt Rose, who lives in Goblin, Missouri, has been making her famous bedeviled hexed eggs for over 50 years for three generations of her family and friends. And though much of her recipe had been a closely guarded secret for all of that time, the general relaxation of archaic laws have now allowed her to share it with the public.

Miss Rose went on to give us a little history, "Things haven't always been like they are today, you see. Up to the late 1980s, anyone suspected of practicing the dark arts, was subject to all kinds of religious intolerance and even terrorism."

"Onetime I recall, I mixed up an old cauldron recipe with some dog tails and children's toes, just for a little bridge club gathering. And you know what? I had every Baptist Church in the county threatening to burn me at the stake! It was just horrible!"

When we tried to dig a little deeper on the subject of using real children's toes in her mix, she became a bit defensive. "Now, don't you start that too! I used nothing but sterile surgical equipment and sutured up each little foot so that it would heal just nicely. I really just do not appreciate being made out to be some kind of witch!"

Fair enough. So, let's get on to the egg recipe.

Aunt Rose's Missouri Hexed Eggs -

*One dozen hard boiled eggs, shelled and washed.
*One half cup of mayonnaise.
*Two tbsp of coarse, brown mustard.
*One fresh packed dill pickle, diced.
*1/4 cup of finely shredded sharp cheddar.
*One head of female mockingbird, boiled, plucked and ground.

-Slice each shelled & washed egg in half.
-Remove yokes from eggs and mix in bowl with mayo, mustard, pickle and cheese.
-Cover and chill for two hours.
-Scoop yoke mix into the sockets of the egg whites.
-Sprinkle liberally with ground-up boiled head of mockingbird. (You can substitute paprika in this step if you wish.)
-Cast Domestic Hex #77 (Found in Everyday Domestic Hexes by Silvia Gutley - ©1957)
-Burn one stick incense of premarital sex between first cousins.
-Place on tray and chill for 30 minutes before serving.

Any leftovers should be refrigerated immediately.

When we tried Miss Rose's Bedeviled Eggs, we were highly impressed with both the flavor and texture.

But she cautioned us that due to natural d'egg'redation, eggs should not be kept for any longer than a few days uneaten, even refrigerated.
After that, they should be offered a proper funeral service and discarded.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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