Reports concerning the announced Spoof Summit Meeting tentatively penciled in for 'sometime in August' have taken on a sinister air amidst heightened security concerns due to "abnormal cell phone traffic and Forum Postings originating in Ireland" according to M1-5,6,9 & 12.
The Summit, set to draw a collection of 'mildly mad to totally insane' Spoof Writers to address and deal with their belief that the 'world's gone mental, and you can't make it up anymore,' is the brain child of the UK's 'Everyman', Martin Shuttlecock who says modestly, "Hey, Mate...someone has to address this madness! Even if you're gay you can only take so much of this madness over twits & twats that can't put two words together in a sentence...the English Language MUST BE SAVED! That's a good thing, innit?"
Due to the heightened security concerns, now at Defcon 8 and rising, the name of the Hotel hosting the conference has been redacted, and a horde of Polish Engineers have been commissioned to enhance security, fill sandbags, install concrete barriers, and tether a flock of Geese at the entrance as a state of the art early warning alert during the hours of darkness at the now secret destination.
Immigration officials say they are also cooperating and mounting a 'dangerous offensive' to remove a horde of armed Romanian Travelers living in Dust Bin Condominiums in the immediate area.
Inspector Percival Montbatten, DSC, liaison between UK intelligence agencies and representatives from "Blackbeard Security,LLC," representing the Colony contingent expected to arrive, says " Well, yes, we do have additional concerns. There have been seemingly innocuous inquiries from Ireland concerning arrival dates, length of stay, preferred eating habits and sexual preference. We find this extremely suspicious and traces on internet posts have led to multiple non existent screen names, vacant lots, and bogus IP addresses."
"Not only are we concerned, we are gobsmacked! Someone has gone to great
lengths to 'paint' a very confusing false trail that could mean the buggers are up to no good!"
Also of monumental security concern is the rumoured appearance of the 'Bonkettes' a combination Blues, Rap, Hip Hop and Jamaican Steel Band said to be performing at the opening Summit ceremony.
The global trotting all girl band, according to Manager Sean Skoob, goes beyond being a group of WAGS, and are proud of their reputation of being " a right handful of SKAGS" according to their iconic manager.
While the 'girls' need no security as they can take care of themselves, their presence alone is mandating extra security to protect the Summit participants, some of whom are still seeking council for sex addiction and tourette syndrome abnormalities 'one day at a time.'
With the summit still four months away, things could change, according to Spoof Editor Mark Lowton who is fronting the costs for the summit out of operating expenses.
"Right...ya know ", muttered Lowton with a mouthful, "we could be 3 feet deep in volcanic ash by then, British Airways could still be on strike, no one may come out and vote in the elections next month and we could go back to being a monarchy, which while not a bad thing, may lead to a lot of beheadings, torture on the rack and the reemergence of the Church of England....not exacting something you want Tourists to Witness....especially not those fooking writers from the Colonies...BASTARDS!"
MORE as soon as the Editor realizes which side of his toast his Cheese is Melted on.