Pattinson, Stewart Go To See Medium About Vampires
A source has told this reporter that Robert Pattinson and gal favorite, Kristin Stewart thought it would be a lark to go to see a real medium just for the fun of it, and inquire about vampires. Apparently they were told about an old lady in Canada...
Read full storyVampire Jack Michaelson Laid To Rest At Last
Los Angeles, California - Vampiric child molester, crotch grabber, and aspiring dancer, Jack Michaelson was today finally laid under the sod, once and for all. The interment ceremony took place today before a handful of anaemic looking people who...
Read full storyKerry Katona Calls In Cops To Track Down Missing Millions
In a last-ditch effort to ensure that the scrag-ends of her disintegrating life remain in the public eye for as long as humanly possible, Kerry Katona yesterday asked for help in tracking down what has happened to her 'missing millions'. "I've ear...
Read full storyDog days in the White House: Bo's journal, entry 3
Woke up this morning to turmoil. The old "shit wouldn't melt in my mouth", Robert Gibbs was scurrying out of the House with his tail between his legs, and a whole lotta M*****F******s following his sorry ass. Seems like he just delivered the message that Barry's ratings have fallen again! Gotta admit, it must be tuff to be toppled from the Top Dog pile when you thought you were the meanest, nas...
Read full storyEditor Causes Eggstremely Big Stink
Police were searching for Spoof editor Mark Lowton tonight amidst fears that he was planning to carry out a chemical attack on the United Kingdom. Inspector Robin Jackman said "We believe that this man is intent on causing millions to suffer. We...
Read full storyVampires Do Exist, Says Nashville Man
Although the only place Howard Packer had ever seen a vampire was in the movies or the little kids at Halloween, Howard told Nashville police yesterday that he was attacked by one while on a recent visit to Las Vegas. "There I was", stated Packer,...
Read full storyStooge Arrested at Funeral for Eye Gouging
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA The Stooges family patriarch Moe Howard is being held without bail on a felony charge of cruelty to a child and is not expected to be released until after his arraignment following the Labor Day holiday. Howard was arrested b...
Read full storyTelevision Is Good For Your Height
Recent studies have shown that watching too much television can seriously help promote growth in normal healthy humans. The research which has taken 13 years to complete has whipped the scientific world into frenzy. "The hypothesis from this stud...
Read full storyWhat a Production!
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA Probate Judge Mitchell Beckloff finally approved payment for the expenses that are expected to be incurred by the long anticipated funeral of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, at a hearing Wednesday in downtown Los Angeles. Bec...
Read full storyJamie Oliver's "Talking Bollocks"
Jamie Oliver's most recent television 'serving' has hardly had time to warm the plate ('Jamie's American Road-kill Trip'), but already his next money-spinning project is well under way and heading for the oven door. And if the prospect of seeing Sout...
Read full storyChelsea Unperturbed By Transfer Ban
Despite being banned from signing any new players over the next two transfer windows, Chelsea aren't particularly worried about this latest sanction. "Hey, the governor is a Russian oligarch," a spokesman for the club told us. "We're used to ducki...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson's Dirty Little Secret
Hot on the heels of the shocking revelation that Twilight star and teen heart throb, Robert Pattinson rarely washes his hair, comes a further damaging revelation from his own mother! It seems that Pattinson isn't all that keen on washing his feet...
Read full storyBin Laden, Bin Sheep Shaggin'
A news rumour that spread across the wires last week about a possible sighting of Osama Bin Laden took me on a strange adventure. The crazy cave dweller had been seen purchasing a box of Viagra from a local chemist on the Isle of Wight. The limp d...
Read full storyAnal Erections On The Rise
The modern phenomenon of anal erections is on the increase according to top scientist at a university. It is just one more side effect of genetic modification in our food that we shall all have to learn to live with. Another scientist in another u...
Read full storyThe Crap Watcher's Diet Helped Me Lose Over 100 Pounds
Crap Watchers, the new diet craze of the stars is now being offered to everyone over the counter and close to the bathroom of all major drugstores. Once, only Kirsty Alley or Britney or Kirsty Alley again could use this amazing product to lose th...
Read full storyPETA Warns of Piñata Violence
Norfolk, VA - Birthday parties are more than just cake and ice cream. To some they're celebrations of animal cruelty. "Pin the tail on the donkey, animal shaped piñatas. Where you hear laughter I hear screaming - we're teaching children that it's...
Read full storyOperation "You Look Like Box Of Something" hots up!
A man was arrested today for looking suspiciously like a box of cornflakes. The incident, which took place in the early hours of this morning on a Manchester council estate, is just another in the string of arrests in Operation You Look like Box of S...
Read full storyFootball Legend Match Le Fixier Wins Fortune Predicting Exact Time Next Football TV Presenter Will Admit To Cheating
Match Le Fixier, the former England footballer, has collected a big win from a well-known bookmakers after betting on a sequence of predictions, most of which have come true. Le Fixier, who is now a sports pundit on satellite TV, placed bets over a...
Read full storyKevin Skinner To Appear In PlayChick
CHICAGO - The Chicago-based women's magazine PlayChick has just announced that America's Got Talent's Kevin Skinner will be appearing in their October issue. PlayChick's publisher Sonora Sofia Tuckerbaum, 38, stated that her magazine has been tryi...
Read full storyPfizer's $2.3B promise to behave
Major pharma player Pfizer has been ordered to pay $2.3 billion dollars in punitive fines for marketing so-called off label uses. In response to the ruling the fines were described as "the result of a calculated business decision" intended to bols...
Read full storyUS Hairforce Protects Paris!
LOS VEGAS, NV, USA Paris Katherine Jackson, the eleven year old daughter of the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson, had her trademark long flowing locks shorn this past weekend in Las Vegas. Britain's Daily Mail reports that the Jackson family's se...
Read full storyRooney reveals how Ronaldo got Sir Alex begging and kissing his "Magic Feet"
Wayne Rooney has secretly revealed how ex-team mate Ronaldo used his very spoilt, childish and sometimes shocking behaviour to get his own way during his period at Man Utd! Ronaldo would often stamp his expensive feet, call Sir Alex a dumb twat in...
Read full storyTerry Wogan In Piece Of Cake Scandal!
Terry Wogan the prominent Radio 2 presenter has branded the broadcasters as "self-important" and called the profession "a piece of cake". This shocking statement is taken from his new book, "Where Was My Hair? The World According To Sir Terry of W...
Read full storyFormula One Boring. Official!
It was announced today that F1 is more boring than reading the ingredients list on a Pot Noodle. Aficionados of the sport agreed, stating that the sport needs spicing up and whipping into shape. "Who in their right mind wants to sit and watch the...
Read full storyPelosi: Healthcare plan promises "big prizes and fun!"
In a recent townhall meeting, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi promised that the new healthcare bill would be "a rollicking rollercoaster of health related laughs and adventure." Speaking before a large group of citizens of Iowa, Pelosi wa...
Read full storyMan Suffocates Performing Sex Act
Paramedics were today called to a flat in Neasden following reports that a man was experiencing severe problems and breathing difficulties whilst attempting to perform a sex act on a Lithuanian prostitute known only to neighbours as 'Magda' Early...
Read full storyJobs Boost With New Mini-Mini Models
Two new models of the iconic car The Mini are to start production at the BMW plant in Oxford next year. This goes against the grain of the current financial climate, but a spokesman said this is due to a long love affair with the car and a need for m...
Read full story"It's A Cookbook!"
If you've feared Obama Care you now have very good reason. The nearly unreadable, one thousand page plus bill has finally been deciphered by cryptographers for the Congressional Budget office. Their startling conclusion: It's a cookbook! The bill,...
Read full storyAmerica Votes Grandma Lee To The America's Got Talent Finals
HOLLYWOOD - Grandma Lee, the 75-year-old Jacksonville Jokester is headed into the America's Got Talent Finals. The AGT viewers voted to keep Florida's most famous senior citizen going on, which at her age those two words do definitely have a dual...
Read full storyThe Chupacabra Finally Caught!
BLANK CHECK CITY, Texas - After twenty years of roaming the vast countryside of Central Texas the dreaded legendary creature the Chupacabra, which means "Goat Sucker" has finally been captured. Emmett Bob Figginfacker, a crop dusting pilot and own...
Read full storyMan Flu Pandemic
After the recent spread of swine flu which has engulfed the world becoming the dominant form of flu, it seems yet another blow has been struck for world health. Almost ten thousands cases of 'Man Flu' have been confirmed among pigs. It is not yet...
Read full storyNancy Garrido = Angry Iran Doc?
Antioch, Ca - (Reuterus): Anagram conspiracy theorists have seized on the Jaycee Dugard kidnap to decipher karmic messages in the abduction. "Butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-ass Nancy Garrido is the real perv," Anagramanonymous.con sources said today,...
Read full storyHull City In Bid To Sign Biggest Names In Football
They may have left it late in this transfer window but Hull City have today completed the free transfer of former Celtic striker Johannes Vennegoor of Hesselink. "It's important to have a big name signing," spokesman Phil Duffnut said. "And, my go...
Read full storyCricket to be abolished and replaced by Football
Its been coming for some time, but now its real. In a drastic move today, following test hopeful Joe Denly's knee injury caused while playing football, cricket has bowed to the inevitable. But the move will suprise many. Next season, it's the cric...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Finally Reveals Truth Of Age 16 Incident
Although refusing to admit anything about it, several friends of Angelina Jolie have finally convinced her that what happened to her at the age of 16 has nothing to do with the lady today, so Angelina Jolie told reporters yesterday that it wasn't tha...
Read full storyUfology whackjobs in charge of Japan government
Tokyo - (X-Files Mess): "His penis was rock hard like Martian monolith!" Japan's new first lady 'Sudoku' Hatoyama has told startled Tokyo TV viewers as she described shagging Tom Cruise on an acid trip to Venus. The piledriver moment even altered...
Read full storyBrown's New Deal Shores up Faultering Labour Vote
In advance of his pending keynote speech, Gordon Brown was asked at Prime Minister's Questions whether, contrary to his promise of continual cash increases in spending and investment, the actual loss of entire hospitals and the closure of local villa...
Read full storyAlex Jones & Chris Jericho vs DX on WWE Raw!
I thought I'd share a weird dream that I had last night with you all. What it means I do not know... For some strange reason I was watching WWE Raw and Chris Jericho was in the ring calling the audience nothing but parasites and hypocrites & (for some strange reason) his tag team partner Big Show was missing. Then the Imperial March from Star Wars started playing and Alex Jones started to m...
Read full storyLord Mangelson Awarded Nobel Peace Prize
The nomination of Lord Peter Mangelson (UK Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) for the 2009 Peace Prize has been leaked by the Nobel committee. The citation reads "For your experiments towards withdrawing British troops fr...
Read full storyScottish Government Abolished - Difference Not Noticeable
129 extra unemployed - that's about the measure of the difference made by the abolition of the Edinburgh talking shop, the Scottish parliament. Except of course, if you read newspapers or attend to broadcast news media, in which case you will have...
Read full storyJaycee Lee Dugard's Attempted Escapes Foiled by Her Abductor's Gardening Skills
Antioch, California - Despite what is being reported in the mainstream media, Jaycee Lee Dugard did attempt to escape, only her abductor's gardening skills frustrated and foiled her endeavors. "Each morning that sick bastard -- I mean the gentlema...
Read full storyTwatter: New Social Networking sensation
It's known as "Twatter" the latest internet sensation. Unashmedly based on the old hat "Twitter", the site boasts a membership of 20 billion already, and growing at half a million a day. As founders Daniel Althat and Sean Bag o'Chips explained, "W...
Read full storyPresident Obama Addresses United Nations: Cockfight between US and UK Inevitable
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - A stunned United Nations listened silently as US President Barack Obama told a Peace Convention Saturday that the US Defense Intelligence Agency had intercepted over thirty coded cables from British Prime Minister Gordon Brown...
Read full storyInbred Mutant Hoody Zombie Teen Stalk 'N' Slash Massacre - Part 12
"Oh my God!" Angie gasps. "Did you see that?" "Actually, no," Bitters says. "We didn't. We were busy watching the X-Factor in H fucking D. Why? What happened?" "They just, disappeared. Through the floor," Angie says, holding on tighter than ever to Abel Zorro, the Masked Avenger. Bitters looks around in desperation. Is she the only woman here with a grain of common sense? "Whoah the...
Read full storyAfter Funeral, Michael Jackson's Fans Uncertain What to Do Tomorrow
Glendale, California - With the burial date of the King of Pop having been changed so many times, Michael Jackson fans are uncertain as to what to do tomorrow, when his body allegedly will finally be laid to rest. "At least that is what is current...
Read full storySlap-Happy Stranger Unable to Silence Screaming Brat
ATLANTA, GA - A concerned Georgia man was arrested after he slapped a child in an attempt to silence the shrieking toddler at a Sam's Mart store. The two-year-old had reportedly ignored his repeated requests to "shut the hell up," authorities said...
Read full storyNew "After Birth" ice cream celebrates conservative birthers
A Vermont ice cream maker has released a new placenta flavored ice cream named "After Birth" to show the company's support for the conservative "birther" movement. The so called birthers are conservatives that question the legitimacy of Barack Oba...
Read full storyDog days in the White House: Bo's Journal
Bo's Blog/ Issue #2 - I want to talk a little bit bout my education. I suppose you think cuz I be a black dog, I ain't got no smarts! I have what you might call, animal cunning...it's innate, part of my breeding, and passed down from my Daddy, who some tell me was SOME big, black smart M*****F*****. My Daddy! Now there's a story in it's own self, but that's for another time. Suffice it to say,...
Read full storyAfghan Elections May be Rigged: World Aghast
"How," world leaders are asking, "Could the Afghan elections be rigged? We never saw this one coming." In a country with the fine tradition expressed by its national motto "Democracy through transparent government" the surprise and shock is all...
Read full storyIsraelis Use Dogs to Monitor Palestinians
Tel Aviv - The Israeli tradition of using dogs for sentry patrol along the Gaza strip has come under scrutiny from PETA who says that the use of dogs as sentries is unnatural and cruel. While the use of sentry dogs has been standard practice for the...
Read full storySigmund Freud Interviews The Spoof Writers
London UK: The Spoof writers annual picnic hosted an unexpected guest, namely Dr. Sigmund Freud. The rumor that the good doctor was invited by TheSpoof.com editor in chief and chief bottle washer was unfounded. Dr Freud, while using the London Und...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Offers Rob Pattinson a Breath Mint
VANCOUVER, B.C. - Kristen Stewart took her offscreen relationship with costar Robert Pattinson one step further today when she supplied the brooding actor with a much-needed breath mint. The act of kindness took place shortly after Stewart was ale...
Read full storyDog days in the White House: Bo's Journal
Alright, I suppose you're wondering how a black, knappy headed mutt like me made it all the way to the top in the White House while a lot of other well bred dogs are still looking for a good home! It was kind of an accident really. When the Obama brood was looking for some good press and a few photo ops when they first took over the White House, they needed a feel good story...not that they d...
Read full story