Although the only place Howard Packer had ever seen a vampire was in the movies or the little kids at Halloween, Howard told Nashville police yesterday that he was attacked by one while on a recent visit to Las Vegas.
"There I was", stated Packer, "I was just coming out of that Hotel Casino what has the Ejiptians and all them near-nekked Cleopatrees. Awell, I was holding up some money I had just won and all over sudden, these guys shouldered into me and there I was, in the back of a big old car."
"The very next thing I knowed, I woke up in a real perty room with a beautiful bed, flowers, some ..well rubbers in packages. GOSH DANG IT! and believe it or not, there waz this lady vampire standing over by the winder light and she just swooped down on me, had me by the neck and old little packer down there."
Packer then reported that was all he recalled until he woke up again but that he was really, really weak.
"I figured she'd sucked me bout dry. I could hardly walk. That was partly because I was drunk but couldn't remember no licker, but I also noticed that all my money was gone."
After he was picked up by Las Vegas police and sent home to Nashville, Packer noticed the two marks on his neck. He then called the police in Nashville who came over just to get him to quit calling them about vampires.
"Some of us know Howard", Police Leon Embery told this reporter. "That place on his neck looked like it was made with a staple remover to me but I didn't tell him that. After all, he needs to have something to show for losing his money. He'll get his friends to buy him breakfast for a year on that story."
"I think I know why he felt weak, also", grinned the officer.
