"Oh my God!" Angie gasps. "Did you see that?"
"Actually, no," Bitters says. "We didn't. We were busy watching the X-Factor in H fucking D. Why? What happened?"
"They just, disappeared. Through the floor," Angie says, holding on tighter than ever to Abel Zorro, the Masked Avenger.
Bitters looks around in desperation.
Is she the only woman here with a grain of common sense?
"Whoah there tiger," Abel Zorro says, a little uncomfortably to Angie. "Just back off a little, okay?"
Angie clings on ever tighter.
Abel Zorro can feel her bullet like nipples denting his ribcage.
"Kinda like it though dont'cha?" Angie purrs. She grinds her crotch against his thigh. "Just looking for a little reaction here, Senor Masked Avenger..." Her eyes are half closed, as if she's in the throes of rhapsody.
Bitters glances at Todd, who is obviously finding all of this acutely embarrassing. He looks away.
"HEY!" Abel Zorro shouts directly into Angie's face. "Cut that shit out right now! I'm a respectable married man with kids of my own, and grandkids. You got no right to be behaving like this. What the hell would your momma say?"
"Me next. Probably," Angie says.
"Listen, puta," Abel Zorro says. "You wanna get your bones jumped then get the fuck outta here and join the Bargis Tryhol thread."
"She already did," Todd says acidly. "She fucked your friend Buck, and now she wants to do you too. She disgusts me. She's just a bitch assed tramp!"
"You don't say that when I'm blowing you!" Angie argues.
"Oh but I do," Todd says. "It's just that you don't hear it. Like your mama."
"I don't hear it," Angie says, with measured aggression. "I don't hear it because fucking microsoft just shut down my computer and trashed fifty lines of input on a satirical website."
"That can be a pain in the arse," Todd accedes.
"As can anal sex!" Angie shreiks. "But I never hear you complaining!"
"Probably because we've never done it," Todd says. "I always thought it was just a sensationalist thing. I never asked you to do that because I don't see what you could get out of it. The regular way, I get that, but if I was on the receiving end, there's no way I'd want a throbbing cockerel jammed in my arse."
"Thanks for that," Angie says. "I wouldn't really want a huge member introduced to the house myself. But you mentioned my mother..?"
"That was just a slip of the tongue," Todd says.
The others stand looking on in amazement. They can't figure this one out at all. They think it's just...weird...
Abel Zorro can't figure it out at all. This may be the kind of shit that goes on in San Francisco, but not in Abel's world.
He looks on, incredulously.
"My mother blew you?" Angie persists.
"it was just one of those things," Todd says, shamefacedly. "I'd been having a shower, and as I turned to dry off it just kind of...well...flopped in her mouth. We didn't plan it. It was a fluke."
"Did you make any attempt to make the situation right?" Angie demands, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Well, to be totally honest, no I didn't," Todd says. "You seem to lose all sense of self righteousness when an attractive lady is chowing down on your best buddy. And working miracles with her tongue."
"Oh you fucking bastard!" Angie wails. "You fucking, fucking, fucking BASTARD!"
"Ah come on," Todd says. "Be reasonable - if you had someone chowing down on your clit, would you ask them to kindly stop doing that? Methinks not."
"It isn't that," Angie, by now obviously emotional, sobs. That's the giveaway here, she's crying so she's obviously emotionally overwrought
"So what is it?" Todd asks.
"It's my mom Todd..."
"What about her?"
"Todd, we've been friends for a long time, but I have to know..."
"You have to know what, Angie Baby?"
"About my momma..."
"Your momma is a fine lady," Todd says.
"Yeah, but," Angie says. "I have a question I just need to know the answer to..."
"Being...?" Todd asks.
"Did she spit or did she swallow?"
Todd shuffles uncomfortably. He knows the answer. We don't. Yet.
But all will be revealed in the following few lines.
Todd braces himself.
He takes a deep breath.
The others hang on his every word.
He composes himself.
Answers the question.
"She swallowed..."
"Oh MY GOD!" Angie shreiks. "You did my Momma!"
Todd hangs his head in shame.
INTERRUPTION!
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
If this shit ever makes it past the censors, I'll be a monkey's uncle. Not Monkey Woods, obviously, just some other monkey with a genetic fingerprint not unlike our own. But bear in mind here, we're just talking about sex. Which is far less troublesome on a moral plane than talking about violence.
We all fuck, from time to time. It doesn't involve hurting people. And it's not dirty and sordid.
Unless you're doing it right.
Where were we?
Oh yes...
"She just kept on going," Todd says. "She cranked me right the way back up there so I wanted to go again, and again. I couldn't help myself, I know it's a weakness,, but I just couldn't get enough of your mama. She drove me crazy! Please try to understand..."
"Oh yeah" Angie says. "After what you did! You motherfucker!"
"Never expected that line," Todd says to the others. "That was totally out of the blue. I fucked her momma so that makes me a motherfucker. Shit, when you get right down to it, we're all motherfuckers! Don't you agree?"
Abel Zorro looks down his nose at this asshole with total contempt.
"You sir," he tells Todd, "Are a prick of the highest order. Our compadres Buck, and Nick are missing, yet you only show compassion for your own personal reasons,
"You Sir, are an asshole!
"In the name of the Spoof! I ask that we enter battle with these inbred mutant zombie type people.
"All those who are with Abel Zorro, say AYE."
Everybody says "Aye"
"So, in the name of the glorious Spoof, let's be at them!"
If this one makes it past Editorial I'll plait fog.
To be continued.
Or restarted.
As the case may be.
