Los Angeles, California - Vampiric child molester, crotch grabber, and aspiring dancer, Jack Michaelson was today finally laid under the sod, once and for all.
The interment ceremony took place today before a handful of anaemic looking people who were all dressed in black.
Monsignor Francois Dubois of West 'By God' Virginia presided over the interment ceremony, which was later described as being 'difficult' to say the least.
It transpires that as the casket was about to be lowered into the grave, Michaelson sat bolt upright, springing the coffin lid and bewildering mourners.
Fortunately Monsignor DuBois, keeping his wits about him, swiftly produced a wooden stake which he hammered into the deceased's heart, with the aid of a 5lb lump hammer.
After much blood spurting, the 'deceased' was heard to mutter:
"I'm bad. Where's the kids?"
Before dropping dead for a second time this year.
Monsignor DuBois told the Spoof:
"I hate interring paedophiles, criminals and vampires. But what the fuck...somebody's gotta do it...and the money's good..."
More Paedo Funeral Related Frolics As We Get Them.