The nomination of Lord Peter Mangelson (UK Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) for the 2009 Peace Prize has been leaked by the Nobel committee.
The citation reads "For your experiments towards withdrawing British troops from Afghanistan and alienating the USA".
Lord Mangelson's colourful past in which he has been sacked from government 28 times for financial irregularities, sexual deviance and telling tales has not been held against him. In fact his experience behind the bike sheds of parliament (UK and European) has equipped him for his present role.
It has emerged that the release of the Lockerbie bomber was a crucial move in Lord Mangelson's plan to discredit the UK, secure the dismissal of the Scottish government and Gordon Brown's ultimate downfall.
For the plan to succeed, the USA must be in such a state of rage with the UK that they will tell us to piss off out of Afghanistan.
We will then sulk, but withdraw our troops, thus saving the extra £45 billion we need to spend on new NHS staff next year to ensure a Labour victory in the General Election.
Lord Mangelson emitted a cloud of sulphur gas and disappeared up his fundamental orifice on exposure of his cunning plan.