Germans ask FIFA for replay of 1966 World Cup final
After television evidence showed that the goal given to allow England to take a crucial lead in the 1966 World Cup Final against West Germany wasn't a goal, the Germans today demanded a replay of that match. 'In football the ball must be 100% over...
Read full storyTories need to pump another 20,000 troops into Germany
London - (Rioters): The first thing a new Conservative government must do is send another 20,000 troops to Germany a policy think tank has advised. Diversionary sideshows like Afghanistan and Iraq have clearly served their purpose in a cunning NAT...
Read full storyOprah Favors Michelle Obama as Her Successor
Daytime TV Queen Oprah Winfrey says she will soon pick a successor, and that debates among the leading contenders might be held. "As of now," Winfrey said, "Michelle Obama is my fave, mainly because she is just as compassionate and almost as famo...
Read full storyPalin to Begin Second Book - 'Why I Hired a Ghostwriter - A Memoir Written by a Ghostwriter'
Infamous celebrity Sarah Palin has announced her second novel Why I Hired a Ghostwriter - A Memoir Written by a Ghostwriter. "It explains why I acted a bit like a vamp during the election," Palin spoke to sources Tuesday. "Or at least, has the be...
Read full storyJesus' Miracle Fails to Impress Multitudes at Fire-Ravaged Chuckwagon Cook Off
ABILENE, Texas - Jesus answered the prayers of a little girl from Texas after her daddy's wagon caught fire at the Texas Monthly Chuckwagon Cookoff, but the miracle He later performed failed to impress the nearly 5,000 hungry patrons in attendance, a...
Read full storyFirst "Jedward", Now "Taylor" As Lautner & Swift Dating
Rumors are all over the internet and in the tabloids that Taylor Launer, at a high point in his young career with the new Twilight movies, is seriously dating country singing star, Taylor Swift. According to a source, Lautner joked that Kayne West...
Read full storyNew iPod Reads Minds
CALIFORNIA - Macintosh has recently released their latest version of the popular MP3 player, i. The i series has included iPears, iFijis and other various apple brands but the latest is the strangely named iPod. The head engineer, Dr. App L. Fetish,...
Read full storyBritish Citizens Celebrate Thanksgiving for the First Time
PLYMOUTH - It's a show of colour (and color, but primarily colour) on November 21 as decorations are prepared for the coming Thanksgiving. While it is true that England has never celebrated Thanksgiving in the past, volunteer Ron Watson explained why...
Read full storyO. J. Simpson To Host Own Reality Show
O.J. Simpson, in prison for some time now for armed robbery of himself, which shows his mental capacity, will have a new reality TV show on FOX in the Spring, says a FOX rep. "Everyone knows O.J. hasn't the brains of a six-year-old, even though t...
Read full storyMet Office - Rain Is A Once In a 1000 Year Experience
It's a tragic day for Britain. Rainfall on an unprecedented scale hammered the north of England today, with the Cumbrian towns of Cockermouth and Workington bearing the brunt of nature's fury. The greatest tragedy involved Police Constable Bill Ba...
Read full storyBargis Tryhol To Run For President On 'Big Dick' Ticket
Senator Bargis Tryhol of Newark NJ announced today that he intends to run in the next Presidential Election Campaign in opposition to Sarah Palin, and incumbent President Barack Obama. Having cleaned up the New Jersey Union racketeers and the NYC...
Read full storyAnnoyed Someone? Get Ready To Be Punched!
Have you ever been in the pub and the man next to you, who you don't know, starts a conversation? You only went in to get away from the wife or to avoid doing that DIY job she's been pestering you about. A quiet uninterrupted pint is what's requi...
Read full storyTina Fey To Replace Palin On Bus Tour
Sarah Palin, not known for her ability to stick to projects for long periods of time has replaced herself with actress Tina Fey for the remainder of the bus tour. "Tina will do a great job" said Palin to a confidante, "and God knows I am sick of thes...
Read full storyMan In Hospital After Skipping Like A Girl
A Millwall football fan has been vicously attacked outside a pub by his own fellow supporters. Dickie Slit, 38, was set upon by the thirty strong crowd when he was spotted skipping like a girl. DCI Conrad Pheebs, 48, said "Mr. Slit was making h...
Read full storyDFS To End Sale In Shock Announcement.
DFS have today revealed that their sale is going to end in a surprise announcement. The sale, which has been running for the last 63 years and has made the company famous for it's TV commercials, has become a British institution. Pablo Von Maus...
Read full storyIs Your Boss Genetically Deficient?
Geneticists have discovered a new mutated gene that seems to be only found in Managers and Supervisors of small and large businesses. The gene has been dubbed JRK-H1N1, and according to research causes a disconnection from other humans and a pre-ten...
Read full storyPalin Supporters Hold Event: Marching Into a Concrete Wall
Today a number of self-styled Palinistas (steadfast, unthinking, unfeeling, unwavering partisans for the 'pride' of Wasilla), marched into a brick wall to prove their affinity and affection for their mentally Lilliputian leader. The Palinistas hosted...
Read full storyAncient Ponca hex obliterates Miley Cyrus camper van?
Virginia - (Hubble Bubble Toil & Trouble): Was an ancient Ponca tribe curse responsible for the latest celeb tour bus disaster? Miley Cyrus lawyers are still sifting the evidence after one of her sassy Airscream camper vans plummeted down a Vi...
Read full storyPresident Dooms Health Care Reform
Beijing, China-President Barrack Obama inadvertently doomed any chance of health care reform after comments he made during a speech before American college students studying in China, got mangled in translation. Remarkably short for the long-winde...
Read full storyNemesis stalks JFK 22/11/63 killer
London - (Grassy Moll): It's looking bleak forty-six years on after her executive order took out President John F Kennedy. Even the world's most protracted cover-up campaign has failed to rub out the uncomfortable details of that perfidity. "El...
Read full storyGoodbye Oprah. Winfrey show set to finally end in 2011
We live in fast paced and ever changing world, where humankind races forward at an increasing rate of knots leaving a plume of historic dust in the past. Take the last 25 years for instance. Where have we come from and where are we now? 25 yea...
Read full storyRon Paul in EU presidential landslide
Brussels - (Hustings): Low-budget Belgian Prime Monster, Herman Van Ron Paul, first cousin once-removed to the famous Texan statesman, slid to a massive EU presidential victory this week. Van Ron Paul stormed into Pole position after a 50m zloty E...
Read full storyThe Great Escape 2009
After reports emerged that a fan of JLS (yes that's right they have one!) hid in their luggage to 'get closer to the band', a similar incident occured to another famed celebrity, only this time it wasn't to get closer. Roger Clegg, sound engineer...
Read full storyDJ Jazzy Jeff Leaves San Francisco Valet Pantless at Curbside
SAN FRANCISCO, California - When Jeffrey Townes sped away from San Francisco's Clift-Tenderloin Hotel in his Escalade this morning, he left the valet who had just delivered his vehicle standing bewildered in front of the hotel with no pants, accordin...
Read full storySpanish Police Seize 6,000,000 Counterfeit Viagra Pills in "Operation Woody Woodpecker"
BARCELONA, Spain - Spanish police acting on a tip from a man who would only identify himself as "Senor Wiener" have arrested three Frenchmen in what is being hailed as the largest counterfeit Viagra pill bust in history. Spanish authorities at Bar...
Read full storyKiller Bees Claim Self Defense
Southern U.S.- A recent statement from a top Killer bee queen says its the African Killer bees who have been victimized. She claims they were brought across the oceans against their will and forced to make honey. She also alleged that th...
Read full storyNASA Shuttle Flies Away with our Business, U.S. Postal Service Complains
Why did the space shuttle Atlantis get the contract to deliver goods to the International Space Station? That's what officials at the U.S. Postal Service want to know. "We could have done the job equally as well and perhaps for a better price," one...
Read full storyTexas SAT Score Averages Drop Below Ape's
TEXAS - The SAT has always been an examination of one's memorization skills, the same skills that animals use to remember where their food was buried, where to keep shelter in winter and where the secret plans for world domination are. In a recent st...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Tour Bus Crash Kills One
The ghost of a commoner killed one person Friday when a tour bus belonging to entertainer Miley Cyrus overturned, but the 16-year-old "Hannah Montana" star wasn't on board, thank God, Virginia State Police said. Sgt. Thomas Molnar said the bus was...
Read full storyMartha Stewart is the Laughingstock of the World
Female guards at the Alderson Federal Prison Camp, that performed several body cavity checks on Martha Stewart, have been giving exclusive interviews and exposing the characteristics of Stewart's genitalia. One female prison guard said, "When I...
Read full storyPorridge Making Demo Sport for London 2012
London - Boris Johnson has announced that porridge making has been accepted as a demonstration sport for London 2012. It is usually the privilege of the host country to showcase a demonstration sport and send more athletes than usual. Johnson int...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan taken to hospital by Samantha Ronson
Lidsay Lohan was taken to Cedars-Sinai hospital by her ex-lover Samantha Ronson because of gerbilling. When in the emergency room Lohan was too embarrassed to provide an accurate history but provided the examining doctor with a clue: "There might...
Read full storyUS Prez Ba[ckt]ra[c]k Obama unsure of 2012 run
WASHINGTON: After bowing for forgiveness before the Japanese Emperor and grovelling in front of the appalling old waxworks Chinese Communist Party officials, a much-weakened US Prez Backtrack Obama this week succeeded in further muddying America's...
Read full story