After television evidence showed that the goal given to allow England to take a crucial lead in the 1966 World Cup Final against West Germany wasn't a goal, the Germans today demanded a replay of that match.
'In football the ball must be 100% over the line to be a goal or to go out of play', Germany football executive Gerd Himmler said, 'the crowd of 100,000 and a television audience of millions saw that the ball didn't cross the line. It wasn't a goal, and, er, the schweinhund Russian linesman that didn't put his flag up was clearly showing how both the Russian and English people felt towards West Germany winning the Cup.'
'The fact that England outclassed us for most of the game is beside the point. And Geoff Hurst scoring one of the greatest goals in World Cup history to win the match is also beside the point. A replay is surely only fair, and about as realistic as a replay of World War Two.'
But legendary German captain Franz Beckenbauer disagreed with Herr Himmler. 'That's the way the bratwurst crumbles', he said, 'sure, we could have complained about poor refereeing and asked for a replay and acted like big girls' blouses, but the fact is we deserved to lose, we just weren't good enough.'
'But instead of complaining about the referee's decision that day we got on and made our team stronger and more determined and more skillful, so that we would win with or without poor match officials.'
'Which is why we won the 1974 World Cup only 8 years later. If certain other countries would stop whinging about refs and admit they're a poorly-organised, badly-managed team with only two decent players in it, maybe they could start putting their energy into winning games and hiring better managers, rather than finding excuses for losing a game they would probably have lost anyway, even if a certain controversial incident hadn't happened in it.'
Meanwhile the Irish Goal Famine will be taught to another hundred generations of Irish children in years to come, as it's essential for them to find somebody else to blame for Ireland never having qualified for the World Cup Finals. Though they've never ever qualified for a far simpler reason, which is that they've never been good enough to qualify.
Roy Keane was the only sane Irishman this week.