Daytime TV Queen Oprah Winfrey says she will soon pick a successor, and that debates among the leading contenders might be held.
"As of now," Winfrey said, "Michelle Obama is my fave, mainly because she is just as compassionate and almost as famous as I am and, besides, I helped elect her husband president. And I think I'll be able to pull Michelle's strings behind the scenes," the refreshingly candid Winfrey confessed.
"She owes me big time: I turned my back on the women's movement by failing to endorse Hillary Clinton in favor to Barack. Maybe Barack will now think of naming me Ambassador to South Africa so I can keep a closer eye on the alleged sex scandal at the school for poor girls I founded there."
Oprah said other possible hopefuls for her TV throne are Judge Judy for her "no-nonsense attitude;" Kirstie Alley for her Oprah-like ability to lard on the weight; and Katie Kouric for "making Sarah Palin look like a pathetic dim-wit."
The blabby and egocentric Oprah finally concluded, "If there are debates, I will schedule and moderate them … and I will be their only judge. The results will be published in only one place: my own magazine with my own name on it that's mostly about me."