British Citizens Celebrate Thanksgiving for the First Time

Funny story written by Slartibartfast

Saturday, 21 November 2009

image for British Citizens Celebrate Thanksgiving for the First Time
"It's not a celebration of turkey massacre..."

PLYMOUTH - It's a show of colour (and color, but primarily colour) on November 21 as decorations are prepared for the coming Thanksgiving. While it is true that England has never celebrated Thanksgiving in the past, volunteer Ron Watson explained why it should be.

"It's not a celebration of turkey massacre, or America's first independent colony, as many people believe," Ron elaborated on the idea. "It's a celebration for Britain, sort of a 'good riddance' thing."

Of course, these comments offended many Americans, including college Professor John Gourdon.

"It is a celebration of the first independent colony in America." Prof. Gourdon spoke to sources via long-distance phone call (That THE SPOOF paid for, thanks Prof. Gourdon. You're the one who wanted to be included! Do you realize how much it is to take a collect call from California when you're in London?) on Monday.

"Jamestown was the first successful independent colony. It had miserable living conditions," Mr. Watson replied. "But it was the first successful independent colony in America."

Central America was about to make a comment on the matter, but sighed and gave up.

"So today we celebrate the leaving of pests." Ron wrote in the promotion on his blog.

The volunteer forces have even booked all of Plymouth for the event, where they have created posters encouraging citizens to either be involved in the event or maybe instead spend the day in London for a change. The London Tourism Association Director is also enthusiastic for the event.

"We should be improving statistics beyond belief," Director Roy Watsom declared on the Tube. "That should screw up the averages, increasing the numbers. Can't wait."

Of course, the one organization that maybe opposed to the event are Plymouth officials and riot police.

"I figured if I told them about the event, they might try to stop it." Mr. Watson commented on the matter. "We might just have to hide from them."

Of course, with all entrances to the city blocked off with 'HAPPY THANKSGIVING' posters, it would be hard for the police not miss the event, but the joyous mood is so contagious that they'll be hard pressed not to have a good time. It's sure to be a colourful week this Thanksgiving in Plymouth.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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