Texas SAT Score Averages Drop Below Ape's

Funny story written by Slartibartfast

Saturday, 21 November 2009

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TEXAS - The SAT has always been an examination of one's memorization skills, the same skills that animals use to remember where their food was buried, where to keep shelter in winter and where the secret plans for world domination are. In a recent statistic, it seems the Texas educational bar has fallen below that of the apes.

"It's definitely not an insult to Texan teachers," Dr. Joe Kleever commented. "Apes are pretty darn smart."

The said apes have been averaged at approximately four points above the average Texan high school student.

"That there a lie," Teacher Josan Kleenex announced on her blog, The Ramblings of a Teacher-thingy. "Those them apes ain't nothin' but a bunch of a liars."

One of the directing scientists, Dr. Jerome Candid, who was observing the statistics, disagreed with her claim as to the primate's flammable pants, but did concede that the claim may be subject to faulty variables.

"We could have been giving hints to the apes," Dr. Candid admitted to anonymous sources on Wednesday. "But no matter which way you look at it, the average Texan student fails the SAT."
These findings were recently published in the scientific journal Common Sense, which provoked quite a reaction from the Texan teenager crowd. One anonymous reader wrote; "Maybe you got the statistics backwards. I wouldn't be surprised. You fellas aren't too smart."

Common Sense's editor, Alaina Perkinstein wrote back that "If so, that's still proving that the average Texan student fails the SAT."

The various apes had no comment.

This incident has even got a reaction out of the Texan minister of education, Gilbert P. Lamphrey, who claimed that "this was a situation most severe." In an attempt to improve his public image after Gilbert vs. Ape in 1999, he also attempted to pass a legislature, which would allow apes proper education as well. In response, Rick Perry merely turned the statistics upside down and claimed there was no problem. Sources suspect that Rick Perry has had practice with reading upside down documents, as the staff at The Spoof certainly had a difficult time deciphering the statistics upside down.

Dr. Joe Kleever has begun lecturing at Ape University, where he teaches the course Advanced Statistics to highly educated primates. Texan officials expect test score averages to be increasing very soon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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