Spanish Police Seize 6,000,000 Counterfeit Viagra Pills in "Operation Woody Woodpecker"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 21 November 2009

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Members of the Barcelona PD who participated in the counterfeit Viagra pill sting "Operation Woody Woodpecker."

BARCELONA, Spain - Spanish police acting on a tip from a man who would only identify himself as "Senor Wiener" have arrested three Frenchmen in what is being hailed as the largest counterfeit Viagra pill bust in history.

Spanish authorities at Barcelona's Las Chi-Chi's Harbor confiscated six million counterfeit blue Viagra pills which were on board the French freighter Le Grand Fichu Bateau VII and had been stashed in boxes that were marked "French Fries - Do Not Open Under Threat of Spoilage."

The pills known on the street as "Erector Sets" have a calle (street) value of $60 million.

Barcelona Chief of Police Benigo "Bucky" Camotero stated that he is proud of the men and women who wear the uniform of the Barcelona Police Department and who participated in this unprecedented operation.

He added that all of the 15 officers involved in the sting operation known as "Operation Woody Woodpecker" will receive a Thanksgiving bonus of $45 each [U.S.] plus a brand new state-of-the-art police whistle.

Police Chief Camotero, which in English means sweet potato man, said that the shipment of counterfeit Viagra pills entered Spain through France, but that they had actually been manufactured in Bangkok, Thailand.

He went on to say that the three Frenchman who are part of the infamous Bangkok Happy Cock Viagra Cartel were identified as Gaspar "The Pee-Pee" LaDeeda, 83, Montague "Ding Dong" Le Harve, 84, and the leader of the trio Franchot "Flag Pole" Toulouse, Jr, 87.

The three men who offered no resistance (remember they are after all French) were taken into custody and charged with six counts, half a dozen of the other.

Gaspar "The Pee-Pee" LaDeeda tried to convince the Spanish authorities that the pills were strictly meant for the personal use of the the three men.

"But six million friggin pills!" Camotero shouted. "Do you effen Frenchmen never sleep or what?"

LaDeeda responded by saying "Remember commandante, we are after all Frensh, and as Frenshmen, we 'ave a tradeeshon to up-hold, no pun in-ten-ded, and of dees I am very quite cer-tun."

Camotero told him that he may be able to convince someone like Amy Winehouse, but that if he dares to say just one more time say that the pills were strictly for their own personal use he will instruct the nearest police officer to shoot him in the general crotch area.

The police chief then added that in the event that the trio, nicknamed, "The Peter Boys" should have the unmitigated audacity to try and say that the pills were merely meant for recreational purposes - he will then have them taken out in the sun, stripped completely naked, and tied to the ground.

Then on the count of uno, dos, tres (one, two, three) he will have one of his prettier female police officers, probably the 26-year-old Elvirita Mazotita, slowly pour hot miel (honey) on their Pee-Peetas (wienies).

He will then let the Spanish ants have a recreational gay old time, but not in the gay sense of course, since it is scientifically documented that no one has ever heard of ants being gay, or even bisexual for that matter.

Police Chief Camotero was asked what was going to become of the six million counterfeit Viagra pills. He replied that it was a very good question.

He stated that the six million pills will be taken by police escort to the Barcelona Bullring where they will be sold at the policeman's flea market booth on the Monday following the bullfights on Sunday.

Some of the proceeds from the sale of the pills will be used to fix the water pipe chingaderas (fixtures) in the main police department men's restroom.

Part of the money will also go towards providing ten scholarships to deserving young matador wannabes.

And from the suggestions of several of Barcelona's finest a portion of the money will be used to provide the BPD's Elvirita Mazotita with that chi-chi augmentation surgery that she has wanted every since she first hired out and started dating some of the "guys," the single ones only of course.

The rest of the money from the sale of the counterfeit Viagra pills will be placed in the newly established Police Chief Bucky Camotero Emergency Home Improvement Fund. This money will be used for everyday house repairs to the police chief's house.

And eventually a larger portion of the fund money will be used to build the police chief a brand new casa chingona (big house) up in Barcelona's ritzy neighborhood Las Filthy Rich Estates, which is not only the most exclusive and expensive neighborhood in Spain, but in all of Europe as well.

And as for the three Frenchmen. It's like they say in the Mississippi backwoods, "It sho nuff do looks like da fellers dey be shit out of luck, uh huh."

In a related story. Texas Governor Rick Perry is looking into the possibility of having the three 'guilty as shit' Frenchman extradited to Texas where the governor will personally strap all three French fellas into "Old Sparky" in what the folks in Texas like to call "A good old-fashioned three-for-one French Fry."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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