Man Blows Hole In Ozone Layer With Fart
A Moslem woman has made a scathing allegation, about a Dudley man she says contributed to the acceleration of Global Warming this morning, when he deliberately unleashed a bolt of methane gas from his arse, that shot straight through the Ozone Layer,...
Read full story50,000 Snowmen Jobs To Go
There was more terrible news for the British economy tonight, when it was announced by numerous television weather forecasters that more than 50,000 snowmen jobs are to go this week. The job losses are widespread, and no area of the country has es...
Read full storyHilary Duff spotted with Joel Madden!
Hilary Duff, 21, was recently spotted outside an NYC restaurant, with Joel Madden, 29. The two started dating in 2004, and broke up a few years later. Hilary is dating Mike Comrie, right now. Joel is with Nicole Richie, and their daughter , Harlo...
Read full storyThe Led Zeppelin Reunion Tour
LONDON, England - Robert Plant, lead singer for Led Zeppelin has stated that plans for a Led Zeppelin Reunion Tour have been axed. Plant told a radio disc jockey that was interviewing the three surving members of Led Zeppelin that it would be a gr...
Read full storyObama's Hot Tub Frenzy
Barack Obama is splish splashing the cash and surprising critics with his latest scheme to re-energize the US economy Planned tax cuts have been scrapped in favor of an outdoor whirlpool bath for every American home. Unemployed Detroit car work...
Read full storyOutrage as Pope's family celebration causes a riot
There were scenes of mayhem and chaos at a special Papal event held in the Vatican Hotel today, resulting in riot police being called, but more seriously, the Pope being called........being called terrible names, that is. It appears that the Pope...
Read full storyWorld's dumbest criminal caught in masturbatory mayhem
Another one for the World's Dumbest Criminal files happened late last night at the Kia Manufacturing Plant on Skidmark Drawer Rd., Hoboken, New Jersey. Convicted felon, and current parolee, Iam Reely Adickhead, broke into the ball bearing making p...
Read full storyPeston: I just guessed about Northern Rock
BBC business editor Robert Peston today admitted he had no idea about Northern Rock and guessed. Speaking to the Commons Treasury select committee, he told MPs: "I got lucky. I needed a story quick so I made the whole Northern Rock going to the Ba...
Read full storyKen Clarke MP spontaneously combusts
The Tory stalwart politician Ken Clarke spontaneously combusted during a business luncheon in London this afternoon. The Shadow Business Secretary was in the middle of a speech at Mansion House Camilla Cheval was sitting next to him when it hap...
Read full storySan Francisco Fire Officials Searching For Toilet Torcher
Construction workers are anxious and investigators are puzzled as someone has been sending San Francisco's portable toilets up in flames in a wave of potty pyromania. "Shit Fire! It's an outrage," said Steven Edison, a 59-year-old contractor who h...
Read full story25 years on Jayne Torvill remembers Olympic Gold
On 4th February 1984 British ice skating duo Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean won the ice dance gold medal at the Winter Olympics in Sarajevo. Exactly twenty five years later Jayne was spotted hiding behind dark sunglasses in the bar at the Imp...
Read full story"Shitfinger", New Bond film to pander to politically correct lobby
Following complaints of misogyny, racism and the perceived glorification of violence, the James Bond production team have been forced to rebrand their hero. Says a spokesperson for "Dikes on bikes", (a sexual health and fitness club) "He's white,...
Read full storySlap In The Face For Chimps
French women have been banned from wearing cosmetics that have not been tested on at least three types of monkey. Bridgette Bardot joined over a thousand protesters as they linked arms to form a protest ring around the Arc de Triumph, bringing tr...
Read full storyRussian 'emo cannibal cult' has London restaurants empire HQ
London - (Princess Yum-Yum Mess): The London restaurant empire of daftass gastronomy guru Sir Terrence Con-Artist was being probed by cops today. Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency detectives called it the global HQ of a 'sick emo cannibal cu...
Read full storyHillary Clinton hails 'Special Sick Relationship'
Washington AC/DC - (Only-As-Sick-As-Yer-Secrets-Mess): US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton heaped praise on the 'Special Sick Relationship' today in a ten minute photocall with British Foreign Secretary David Milliband. Clinton, 69, said the US/...
Read full storyCuban Who Once Banned Beatles Joins John, George
The man who banned the Beatles from Cuba's communist-run island's radio and television stations has paid a visit to George and John, state television said on Tuesday. Jorge "Papito" Serguera, who at the time was president of the Cuban Institute of...
Read full storyGeorge W Bush's UK bastard 'getting free diplomatic protection and immunity from prosecution'
London - (Special Sick Relationship Mess): George W Bush's UK-born bastard son by a former Provisional IRA/KGB whore and ex-Miss County Louse winner has been getting free diplomatic protection and immunity from prosecution according to reports. Li...
Read full storyObama Appoints Sham Wow Guy as "Secretary of Absorption"
In a bold move, the Sham Wow guy has been appointed to President Obama's cabinet to, as the President put it, "Clean up the toxic economic problems and absorb the mortgage crisis into the towel of good money management." Giving his first pres...
Read full storyGorgon Brown orders new monarchy website relaunch to whitewash Wills & Harry 7/7 invovlement
London - (Nazi Appeasement Mess): The February 12 relaunch of the Puppet Monarchy webshite was ordered by UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown to hide William and Harry's involvement in masterminding the 7/7 London atrocity according to spooks. Brown's b...
Read full storyWoman Sets Breast Record, 38KKK
A woman underwent nine breast-implant surgeries, even leaving the country, to set the world record for the largest bust. People...well..men.. were already fairly impressed last April, when they heard that one Sheyla Hershey traveled to Houston for...
Read full storyRobbie Keane Made Captain Of Sinking Ship
Robbie Keane, the ex-Liverpool 'subs-bench warmer', who was transferred back to Tottenham Hotspur yesterday, has been handed the captain's armband on his first day back at the ship, and told that the safety and survival of the crew and passengers is...
Read full storyObsession with the weather
The British have a world reputation as being obsessed with the weather, and it's many vagaries around their fair isles. With the recent completely expected snowstorm, the BBC have decided to cash in on the obsession with a new twenty-four hour weathe...
Read full storyTeen queen, Brenda Song and Rob Pattinson spotted kissing!
Teen queen, Brenda Song and teen heartthrob Rob Pattinson have been spotted at Central Park in Manhattan. The two teen sensations were earlier spotted at Barney's and Saks Fifth Avenue, were Brenda reportedly bought a purse costing over $100,000 at...
Read full storyObama Backs Down On "Buy American" Only!
The European Union and WallyMart warned the US yesterday against plunging the world into another depression by adopting a planned "Buy American" policy, intensifying fears of a trade war. The EU threatened to retaliate if the US Congress went ahea...
Read full storyOfficials Nab Traveler With Pigeons In Pants
An Australian traveler was caught with two live pigeons stuffed in his pants following a trip to the Middle East, customs officials said yesterday. The 24-year-old man was searched after authorities discovered two eggs in a vitamin container in h...
Read full storyHonest Chicago Cabby Returns Woman's Goodies
In Chicago, Illinois, a 64-year-old taxi driver has a simple explanation of why he returned a bag containing items worth a lot of money to a Florida woman, saying, "It wasn't mine." Niki Pecker of Naples, Fla., was in Chicago during the weekend w...
Read full storyObama's denial of his vampire, prostitute and witch heritage blamed for the collapse of the American Economy.
In the spoof today, many strange things are happening to the economy, the job market, Wall Street, and every economic indicator since obama made it in office on January 20th, 2008. Human beings are losing money like never before since the recession o...
Read full storyEven President Obama is Human
One of the first decisions in the Obama administration Biden: Well, now what do we do? Obama: Send him to Gitmo. Biden: You can't do that! Obama: I'm the President. Biden: But you just ordered it closed. Obama: I don't care. Send him to Gitmo now! Biden: OK... but what do we tell Mrs. Daschle?...
Read full storyScientists reveal that children are not in fact the future
Contrary to long held popular belief it seems today that children are not the future. Man has longed to know the secrets of the future for as long as the idea of the future has existed. From Nostradamus to those ridiculous arseholes that essential...
Read full storyMadonna dates Jesus
The Queen of Pop, Madonna has recovered from her messy divorce with Guy Ritchie, and has started dating Jesus. "Madonna thinks that he walks on water," said her personal assistant Dionne Across. "I just hope she doesn't end up crucifying him, like...
Read full storyFA To Legalise Bosingwa Challenge
The Football Association has acted swiftly and decisively to quell a brewing riot over a challenge made by Chelsea star Jose Bosingwa in Sunday's Premiership battle at Anfield. Bosingwa nade the challenge on Liverpool's Yossi Benayoun which would...
Read full storyChrysler jumps into bed with FIAT
In a bizzare move obviously fueled by party pills, desperation and red wine, an alliance has been announced between FIAT and Chrysler. Spokesman for Chrysler Larry Dork (jnr) said "What the hell, Chrysler is f**cked, Mercedes didn't want us, so wh...
Read full storyCan You Hear The Drums Fernando?
In an amazing press conference at Old Trafford following this morning's training session, Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson raised the bar on Manc - Scouse non relationships. "Just listen tae this," he told assembled press veterans, as h...
Read full storyLiberal Church Going Catholics Wear Ironic Disguise
After the numerous shameful scandals and embarrassing acts of the Vatican and its minions, many wonder how it is the progressive people can still be attending the Roman Catholic liturgy. Pedophiles abound, Holocaust deniers are embraced and Jerry Fal...
Read full storyGod Tired of being Invoked During Acts of Human Copulation
God during a recent appearance on Oprah told the mega star and her fawning audience that one of his/her pet peeves was the screaming of his name during sexy time. God reminded the TV audience that many reverent people like the Jews and the Navajo...
Read full storyBin Laden's Genital Member Appeared in Superbowl Porno
Osama Bin Laden announced today that he succeeded in penetrating the Cumcast SuperBall broadcast with one of his homemade bedroom videotapes. Experts in terrorist broadcast analysis confirmed that the member waved about in the thirty second porno...
Read full storyFailed Comedian Calls It A Day
The world of show business and international politics today united in tribute to Liverpool funnyman Micky MacWack, who today retired after handing over the microphone to Skivingdale Working Men's Club Concert Secretery Freddy MacWack for the final ti...
Read full storyObama's Losing Sleep and "Potency"
The ailing US economy has created much anxiety for the children of Uncle Sam and their billions of postcolonial corporate colonists and slaves. But the new very confident and calm President shocked the nation and the world as he admitted to some angs...
Read full storyWhite Witch casts Wintry Spell on Parliament and its Now Frozen Parliamentarians
Most Britons thought that CS Lewis' white witch from the Chronicles of Narnia was a mythic figure from the imagination of an atheistic Oxford Don who got religion in his final days. But this season of always winter and never Christmas has convinced s...
Read full storyPope Faults Jews for Holocaust Denier Scandal
Pope Benedict XVI says Jews are making "too big a deal" out of his decision to lift the excommunication of Bishop Richard Williamson, a Holocaust denier. "Jesus," the pontiff gutturally complained in German, "these constant gripers about Roman C...
Read full storyFirst Snow, Then Ice, Then A Bit Of Rain - Whatever Next?
It's official - The UK is now the laughing stock of the world following the farcical sequence of events from Monday morning through to Wednesday night. The farce began when a light dusting of snow hit these islands on Sunday night. On Monday mo...
Read full storyBush Gives Up His 'Being An Everyday Guy' Pretense
Now that the inauguration is over ex-Pres Bush is finally able to free himself of the guise of being an 'everyday guy'. The first thing he did after giving up this pretense was buy a $2 million mansion in an exclusive neighborhood of Dallas, at a...
Read full storyThe 'Joe The Plumber' Movement Gains Momentum
In the wake of this years election and the horrendous economic downturn a new movement has appeared on the scene. A 'Joe The Plumber' movement has been founded out of the ranks of poor and lower middle class citizen's in our society. Senator...
Read full storyCEO's And Economists Shot - Stock Markets Soar
The world side recession surprisingly ended abruptly today after the CEO's, Investors and Economists responsible for causing the downturn by bilking investors, gouging company finances and lying to the public were taken out and shot. Borrowing fr...
Read full storyBBC in shock allegation as plans to invade Palestine are revealed
A BBC military force led by the experienced but cruel and violent John Simpson was to be part of a pincer movement in an invasion of the Gaza Strip. The shocking details have come to light after documents were left in a taxi cab by the head of th...
Read full storyBrad and Angelina Adopt Botswana
The Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have adopted Botswana the small South African country. The couple had gone there just looking for another child. Clutching Brad's hand Angy said "We saw so many cutey wutey helpless little on...
Read full storyNAPA Declares Liberalism a Mental Disease
Washington DC: At the conclusion of a three day session of the North American Psychiatric Aliiance (NAPA) a joint communiqué of scholarly findings was released. Consensus was reached by the NAPA members that liberalism is a mental condition. The...
Read full story