Russian 'emo cannibal cult' has London restaurants empire HQ

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

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'Sick emo cannibal cult' may have been feeding the London restaurant empire of Sir Terry ConArtist

London - (Princess Yum-Yum Mess): The London restaurant empire of daftass gastronomy guru Sir Terrence Con-Artist was being probed by cops today.

Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency detectives called it the global HQ of a 'sick emo cannibal cult' that has been charged with killing, dismembering and consuming a Bloodyvostock schoolgirl.

Sir Terrence, 109, has had a stellar career sucking off Z-List celebs to promote his fetid gastronomic empire of greasy spoon diners.

An Interpol investigation into illegal immigrant kitchen staff recently found a link to Russian former psychiatric patient suspects Yuri Mozhnov and Maxim Golovatskhikh.

The two are charged with the murder and consumption of a 19 year-old female student.

Meanwhile at Sir Terry's Rat & Cockroach Soho eaterie a police raid has uncovered the vital secret ingredients behind the gastrochain's eponymous Shepherd's Pie.

"The clue was in the marinade," Supt Knacker told reporters.

"We think human 'offal' was being imported ready-basted in Yeltsin-brand Russian vodka.

"At 50p a kilo it was a lot cheaper than Aldi's 'Basics' brand' and in a recession every penny counts."

Service Charge at the restaurant chain is a whopping 69 percent.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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