The Queen of Pop, Madonna has recovered from her messy divorce with Guy Ritchie, and has started dating Jesus.
"Madonna thinks that he walks on water," said her personal assistant Dionne Across. "I just hope she doesn't end up crucifying him, like she did with Guy."
The two met whilst Madonna was doing a tour of clubs across North America. His party trick was ordering sparkling water and turning it into champagne, though it was his dancing that first attracted Madonna to him.
"He's quite a mover," said Across. "He kind of glides across the dance floor."
Celebrity watchers have indicated that this may be Madonna's perfect relationship.
"It's a match made in Heaven," said popularist, Anne Lizt. "I mean, freaking Madonna and Jesus? It's like a pope's wet dream!"
Several friends of Jesus have come forward, some of whom are dubious about the match.
"We think that in his line of work, he should remain abstinent," said close friend Judas Hiscaryhott.
Paul Rock agreed, "He's like, you know, an icon? Millions of people look up to him, man."
Neither Madonna, nor Jesus were available for comment, as they were sunning themselves on the shores of Lake Galilee, in the middle east.
