Robbie Keane, the ex-Liverpool 'subs-bench warmer', who was transferred back to Tottenham Hotspur yesterday, has been handed the captain's armband on his first day back at the ship, and told that the safety and survival of the crew and passengers is in his hands.
Keane, who left for the busy west coast port last July, waited patiently for his chance to set sail under Commander Benitez, but when it came, he failed to impress sufficiently, and was given his marching orders all the way back to navy high command at White Hart Lane.
No sooner had he arrived back, however, than he was notified by Admiral Redknapp that the vessel had been taking in water, and had started to list badly. It was then that Keane was notified of his promotion.
HMS Spurs had an extremely bad start to the campaign, and not since the year the Titanic sank in 1912 had a crew fared so poorly. Things 'bucked up' temporarily, but have now become so hazardous, that even Mr Defoe has been recalled from his appointment at Portsmouth, in an 'all hands to the pumps' situation.
Should Captain Keane be unable to manage to lead his shambolic and lacklustre crew to safer waters soon, the ship could be sunk as early as the end of March.