There were scenes of mayhem and chaos at a special Papal event held in the Vatican Hotel today, resulting in riot police being called, but more seriously, the Pope being called........being called terrible names, that is.
It appears that the Pope had invited a crowd of family, friends, well-wishers and other assorted hangers-on and weeping-eye statue discoverers to join him in celebrating the marriage of his daughter.
However the trouble started when the penny, or, this being the Euro Zone, the cent dropped, and his gaggle/brace/pack/shower of cardinals suddenly realised that, yes, lovely day for a wedding, and yes, she's a lovely girl.....but the Pope's daughter!
There was moral outrage and scenes of mob violence, where an angry crowd of adult men dressed in red skirts and wearing skullcaps verbally abused and attacked the holy man.
When order was restored, a spokesbishop for the House of Cardinals explained why they were so angry:
"It's not the wedding, or the expense of it that we object to.
"However, the fact that men and women who choose to take Catholic Cloth cannot get married, means we were all there under false pretences to in effect witness the marriage of a girl born out of wedlock.
"And you know what that makes her, don't you? Yes, a bas........ anyway. And with her being the Holy Father's daughter, and born out of wedlock, well we simply had to call a riot, which even the Kaiser Chiefs couldn't have predicted.
"Yes, we couldn't be seen to be condoning a bas....er, a girl with no mother having an official Vatican wedding. And as we've already played the immaculate conception card over 2000 years ago, well, it's all a bit Heather Mills McCartney, you know, not a leg to stand on.
"Although, on reflection, we might have been a bit hasty, because the scoff and booze looked only fantastic. And we'd all spent our brass on some lovely presents, although, valuable as it was, I didn't think Dan Brown's signed first edition of The Da Vinci Code made a very appropriate wedding present."