Victoria Beckham Shows That Her Cleavage Has Left The Building
CHELSEA, England - Victoria Beckham, wife of Los Angeles Galaxy star David Beckham has clearly shown the world that she no longer has any cleavage. The anorexic-looking Mrs. Beckham and her husband emerged from Chef Gordon Ramsay's The Taste of He...
Read full storyMan With World's Largrest Scrotum Has His Bags Turned Inside Out at Airport Security Check!
Percey Livingstones, know as the 'man with the world's largest scrotum', whose birth defect created a furor at the airport on Feb. 28 of this year when he was fined for 'overweight carry on baggage', came a cropper once again. Due to the hyper m...
Read full storyNigerian syringe bomber plot 'another Tory hoax'
Washington AC/DC - (Les Jeux Sont Faits): Special Branch top brass shrugged off today the Yuletide 'Nigerian syringe bomber' story as yet another Tory Party masterpiece. Umar Farouk Abdelmutallab has taken the rap for the latest Bullingdon Club ou...
Read full storyFormer Mr. Ed Star, Connie Hines, Put Down!
79-year-old, Connie Hines, who starred on the classic TV show Mr. Ed is gone. "Mr. Ed" was about a talking horse, of course, with more than horse sense who only talked to his pal Wilbur Post played by Alan Young. Hines was born in Needham, Ma...
Read full storyHigh as kyte Dutch Airport Security Guard allows Nigerian terrorist to pass, "he even offered me some best Nigerian Skunk man!"
A Nigerian radical Muslim, attempting to blow up a US plane in Detriot, has caused a major breach in security. The US were even warned by the Loonies father about his desire to enter the US and do some damage, but as usual, it was ignored. Umar...
Read full storyBomb suspect Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab 'is Obama's firstborn'
Detroit - (Pie-in-the-Sky): Forensic DNA analysis of syringe bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab has thrown up a direct link to President Barack Obama. The 23 year-old 'Nigerian' had been spotted on police video footage talking to Obama in London dur...
Read full story'Feeble Day' latest Barack Obamarama single
Just a feeble day Waffle about skin and gays And then later go to where Cheney says Just a feeble day Fund animals in Israel Then act like an actor But don't say a thing Oh, it's such a feeble day I'm glad I spent it waffling spew Oh, such a feeble day You just keep me funding you Israel and Saudis too Just a feeble day Health care problems left alone Backhanders from Republic...
Read full storyPaul Hogan and Linda Kozlowski To Star In "Crocodile Dundee 4 - The Big Snapper Years"
HOLLYWOOD - The two original stars of The Crocodile Dundee movies Paul Hogan and his wife Linda Kozlowski have signed to star in the fourth installment of the Crocodile Man's exploits entitled, Crocodile Dundee 4 - The Big Snapper Years. The film...
Read full storyFormer Pope Moved Closer To Sainthood By Miracle
Pope Benedict XVI moved controversial wartime pontiff Pius XII closer to sainthood by declaring him "venerable" in a surprise announcement on Saturday. Plus he also stated that it was officially recorded that Pius XII once change wine into water.
Read full storyBarack Obama turned into a porpoise
US President Barack Obama was today mysteriously turned into a porpoise. Thanks to a typographic error by a writer attempting to make fun of him sounding so pompous it's ridiculous - describing him as 'porpoise' - the writer's editor rewrote the a...
Read full storyPolice: Two Donkeys, Not Jackasses, Escaped Live Nativity Scene
A living nativity scene near the Colorado ski resort of Vail almost had to go without two crucial actors when two donkeys escaped. "We put out an all-points bulletin on the donkeys", stated Sheriff Mort Jabowski, but people kept bring in these pol...
Read full storyWorld's 'most average man' injured in minority rioting
As riots broke out around the world between the above-average minorities and below-average minorities, the world's most average man thought he was safe. John Doe, 45, is biracial, stands 5 feet, six inches tall, is only slightly obese, uses non-pr...
Read full storyBanana's in Pajama's are Coming Down the Stairs
Bananas, in pajamas, are coming down the stairs. Bananas, in pajamas, are coming down in pairs. Bananas, in pajamas, are chasing teddy bears, because on Tuesdays, they all try to catch them unawares! People are genuinely fearful of what these gia...
Read full storyMost modern art hangs sideways or upside down - galleries aghast, embarrassed at discovery
In a blow to the art community around the world, art historian William Winters has determined that most modern art hanging in galleries is improperly hung. 'Curators of modern art tend to hang painted works in a way which strikes them as most aest...
Read full storyLost diaries reveal DaVinci invented the internet - Al Gore 'furious'
Long-lost diaries written by Leonardo daVinci around 1502 reveal that he, rather than Al Gore, invented the internet. DaVinci was an Italian scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, botanist, musician...
Read full storyCriminologist: 'crime pays after all'
Kevin Henderson, a professor of criminology at Snarkington University, has turned an old adage on its head: 'crime doesn't pay'. 'Crime actually pays quite well', said Henderson. 'So well, in fact, that I'm considering changing careers.' Hender...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Spends Christmas With Her Bodyguard
WERNERSVILLE, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin and her eight kids spent Christmas with her bodyguard Steve Nield at her quasi-ranch which was awarded to her by the divorce hearing judge. Kate was quick to point out that Mr. Nield had been accompanied...
Read full storyNow, why would someone stay in an airplane toilet for one hour?
"A security alert aboard a Northwest Airlines jet ended Sunday after investigators determined the incident -- the second in two days involving a Detroit, Michigan-bound flight -- was "nonserious," federal authorities said. The crew of Northwest Flight 253 reported a "verbally disruptive" passenger Sunday and requested police meet the plane when it arrived from the Netherlands, the airline told...
Read full storyIvana Trump Kicked Off Of A Delta-Northwest Jet
PALM BEACH, Florida - Donald Trump's ex-wife Ivana Trump was escorted off of a Delta-Northwest jet as it sat on the runway ready to take off. It seems that Ivana who is 60, but looks 70, became very upset because there were some children talking s...
Read full storyIvana Trump in Mile High Club rumpus
Florida - (Pie-in-the-Sky): Serial gold-digger and Mile High Club enthusiast Ivana Trump was chucked off an airplane today following an altercation with minors (sic). Palm Beach County Sheriff's Department sources said Donald Trump's peroxide bomb...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Cheerleader Admits To Tiger Woods Affair
More Tiger Woods controversy surfaced today when one of the leading cheerleaders of the Dallas Cowboys admitted that she had had a 'fling' with the world's number 1 golfer in 2007. Tammy Slagg, 20, a vivacious blond vixen, said that she and Woods...
Read full story'Panic in Detroit' by The US Drama Queens
'He looked nothing like Che Guevara, drove an 8 wheel van Kept his guns above the fireplace, such a feeble man The only survivor, of losing to Vietnam Panic in Detroit, a bunch of drama queens He should have stayed at home, 15 hours of fame Panic in Detroit They cried at US terror alerts, that bored the Brits back home The police had stirred up mass hysteria, the British only laugh and...
Read full story"Cold Turkey" perfect recipe for booze & drug excesses at Xmas!
What to do with left over Turkey bits and bobs is no longer a problem????? After all of the excessive booze & drug abuse over the festive period, scientists, top chefs and Amy Winehouse have discovered the perfect recipe for Hangovers (Jaggedone got cramp HANGING too long OVER the bog) COLD TURKEY!!!!!!! Here are their recipes for those who think it's Easter and Jesus is about to be c...
Read full storyDear Kent Pete: Am I Gay?
Dear Kent Pete I'm a 33 year old man and am concerned that I might be gay. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate homosexuals. Virtually all of my lovers from the age of 16 have been gay men and if I ever go out it tends to be to gay clubs and bars. I'm a life member of the Pink Punters in Milton Keynes. However I don't want to 'follow the yellow brick road' if infact I am a closet heterosexual.
Read full story"Im Straight" admits Jonny Wilkinson
Jonny Wilkinson England's World Cup Hero winning Fly-half has shocked the Rugby world by admitting that he is a heterosexual. In a statement issued by his manager Ben Dover-Backwards,Wilkinson said "Yes it's true Ive always been straight even whil...
Read full storyJon Gosselin's Apartment Ransacked - Police Will Question Elin Nordegren
MANHATTAN - It has not been too good a year for Jon Gosselin. First, his TV reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8 gets cancelled, then he and Kate get a divorce, and now his apartment has been ransacked. NYPD detectives have questioned several of Gos...
Read full storyBig Bang On Our Big Red Friend!
Little children woke up all over the world to an enormous disappointment this Christmas Morning, wondering why there were no presents under the big pine. The answer: Santa Claus is no more! Last night, while flying over London, England, the jol...
Read full storyPassing Pantless Through Security Screens
In response to a recent attempt by a nigerian man to blow up a flight with an explosive hidden in his pants, US Homeland Security has put in place a new procedure which requires all passengers to pass their pants through the scanning machine at airpo...
Read full storyUnnamed celebrity accused of doing nothing
A well known celebrity, who wishes to remain anonymous, has today sensationally claimed that another well known celebrity who (s)he does not wish to name did nothing to him/her 10 years ago and that (s)he does not want to talk about it ever again.
Read full storyMorrissey to become President of Europe?
Rock icon Noel Gallagher travelled to Brussels today to press the case for singer songwriter Morrissey to become the first President of the European Union, and indications from around the continent last night suggested that his journey might not be i...
Read full storyOn Groundhog Day, Nancy Pelosi Removes Head From Ass, But Puts It Back In
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi celebrated Groundhog Day by removing her head from her ass. After wiping the feces from her eyes and looking around, however, she put it right back in. Spokesman Muffy Muncher said that "Nancy saw her shadow, which...
Read full storyDiary Reveals Lizzie Borden Committed Incest When She Gave Her Brother Forty Whacks
Lizzie Borden, the American Woman of the 19th century who was most famous for killing her parents with an axe, was also involved in an incestuous relationship with her brother. The long lost diary of Dewey Borden, discovered in a trunk in Bangor, Ma...
Read full storyAl Gore Claims He Invented The Hokey Pokey
The Hokey Pokey Dance, a staple at parties, wedding receptions, and dances since the 1940's, is now the victim of a new lawsuit. Former United States Vice President Al Gore, who is attempting to deflect criticism off himself since the Climategate ne...
Read full storyExhumation Reveals Carrie Nation's Husband Was "Bobbitized"
An exhumation of Donald Nation, the late husband of turn of the century Prohibition pioneer Carrie Nation, has revealed that he died due to blood loss from a severed penis. Carrie Nation is best remembered for taking a hatchet into bars and saloons...
Read full storyLincoln Town Car Voted Best Backseat By Unwed Teenage Mothers
The backseat of the Lincoln Town Car has been voted as the favorite by a group of unwed, teenaged mothers (and mothers-to-be). The young women, aged 13 to 17, said that they found this vehicle's backseat to be "the roomiest, with the nicest upholste...
Read full storyCooper Admits to Preference For Drilling Bung Holes
On a recent episode of a television series describing unusual jobs, Cooper John Hudson described what he liked best about his job. While there are not many coopers left in the business due to the proliferation of plastics, there still are a few peop...
Read full storyThree Little Kittens Recover Lost Mittens
Three little kittens who lost their mittens have recovered the missing property, according to a report filed by the Mother Goose Police. The kittens, however, will not be allowed to keep the mittens as they are being used in evidence in an active cr...
Read full storyPlayground Death Ruled A Sui-Slide
According to his friends at the park, Jerry Monson was "a real swinger." The four year old was also often winner of king of the mountain games and, according to his friends, "made the best mud pies ever." Sadly, this playdate playmate was found dea...
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