US President Barack Obama was today mysteriously turned into a porpoise.
Thanks to a typographic error by a writer attempting to make fun of him sounding so pompous it's ridiculous - describing him as 'porpoise' - the writer's editor rewrote the article and it became reality, and now the President is an ocean-dwelling mammal that gets annoyed being called a dolphin.
'Make no mistake about what has happened', Obama announced porpoisefully from the sea near Hawaii, while balancing a beach ball on his nose, 'we have moved this far forward in pomposity and long, important-sounding sentences, that, in the fullness of - another mackerel please, Seachelle - time can only mean that, whilst not actively saying nothing at all of any substance might as well be a lot of squeaking noises', and then executed a backwards dive before resurfacing and clapping his flippers together.
After over a year as American President Barack Obama has yet to do a single thing, so nobody cared that he was now about as powerful and relevant as Flipper the Dolphin. 'We have come this far', he said gravely, 'we have, indeed, come to the land of the free pilchards, the land of the free mackerels, and the land, let us not forget, that is the only nation in the world that could have a pet animal that makes lots of squeaking noises that don't mean anything as their leader. Yes - we - can read an autocue.'
As America's previous head of state was an alcoholic brain-damaged chimpanzee, it is no surprise that its current one is now a fish-like animal, that swims around the world and waves its flippers and shows its huge teeth to people, but the porpoise's wife Seachelle wasn't completely happy about the transformation.
'I guess it means I'll have to run America now', she sighed, 'but any woman is tougher and smarter than an American man, so it makes no difference. In fact I've been President in reality anyway, which explains why Barry keeps talking about gays and equality and other women's interests - I write his scripts!'
George W. Bush was uninterested in the news, as he was swinging from his rope in Texas while drinking his daily pint of Old Granddad's Moronic Vote For Anyone Juice.
