Former Pope Moved Closer To Sainthood By Miracle

Funny story written by Bureau

Monday, 28 December 2009

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Vatican Surprise

Pope Benedict XVI moved controversial wartime pontiff Pius XII closer to sainthood by declaring him "venerable" in a surprise announcement on Saturday. Plus he also stated that it was officially recorded that Pius XII once change wine into water.

It apparently happened during World War II.

Pope Benedicts XVI simultaneously bestowed the same title on his beloved predecessor John Paul II and paved the way for the beatification of Jerzy Popieluszko, the popular activist priest who helped to bring down Poland's communist regime.

The triple announcement by the German-born pope "took everyone by surprise," Vatican expert Bruno Bartoloni told UP2, adding: "There will certainly be negative reactions" from the Jewish and Gypsy communities.

"Not every Jew will be happy but since when are they ever happy? However, very influential people in the Jewish world will be very upset," agreed another veteran Vatican watcher, John Allen. "Look for Woody Allen to say something degrading but witty."

Allen then went on to state that they even have a photo of Pius XII changing the wine to water during an Allied bombing raid on Mussolini that came a little too close to home.

Allen said announcing the decree on Pius XII simultaneously with the other two reflected "a kind of strategy of taking the piss out of it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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