Percey Livingstones, know as the 'man with the world's largest scrotum', whose birth defect created a furor at the airport on Feb. 28 of this year when he was fined for 'overweight carry on baggage', came a cropper once again.
Due to the hyper maniacal reaction to the recent 'jockey short' bomber apprehended in the air over Detroit who unsuccessfully tried to blow up his dick and take 270 passengers with him, Livingstones was once again subject to intense scrutiny as he attempted to board a plane to Orlando, Fl. for a New Year's reunion with his beloved Uncle Buck.
During a full body scan the semi comatose Security Guard noticed what appeared to be a foreign substance taped to Percey's right leg....the side to which according to his proctologist he usually dressed, being right handed, but in this instance it triggered an automatic response from an armed emergency response swat team, who threw Percey to the floor, then proceeded to hose him down with foam from Type IV fire extinguishers.
A dazed and confused Livingstones was then hustled into a sound proof interrogation center and stripped for further inspection and a full body cavity search.
Mr. Livingstones' attorney, in a complaint filed later, said that the inspectors ignored the use of any lubricant during this inspection, doing 'grievous bodily harm to the Plaintiff, and untold suffering and humiliation."
One interrogator, identified as a female Inspector, who might or might not be bisexual, further complicated the body inspection when she thought she felt a pair of large steel ball bearings in Percey's Testicles, certainly big enough to cause collateral damage should his ball sack be 'touched off' inadvertently, or otherwise.
The inspector called for a metal detector, which proved inconclusive, but the enforcement agent, identified in the complaint only as 'the Bitch', then proceeded to turn Mr. Livingstones Scrotum...."inside out", a medical phenomena, according to testimony from the Plaintiffs expert witness, Sir Victor Nicholas, eminent Proctologist from Canada, only detailed once in the history of recorded medical practice.
Ultimately, after 6 hours of interrogation, anal probing, X-rays and a catscan, Mr. Livingstones was released into the custody of his attorney with a brusque apology.
Percey missed his flight to Orlando, is having nightmares, has to sit down to take the piss, and is forced to wear a custom truss around his privates, all because, as Scotland Yard's Chief Inspector said, "he seemed to fit the profile."
Mr. Livingstone is extremely white, since he works only at night and underwater as a barnacle scrapper for the SS Great Britain, is 6'1" tall, clean shaven, has startling blue eyes, wears a Red Man U T-shirt, and speaks with a Yorkshire accent requiring a translator.
Mr. Livingsoneone said he is hopeful he can get his bag 'turned right again' in time to participate in the 40th anniversary homecoming ceremony for the SS Great Britain, and said from now on when he gets the urge to visit the colonies, he would be taking passage on the Queen Mary 2....'the only way to cross' he said, smiling painfully..."they could care less about your bags!"
