Diary Reveals Lizzie Borden Committed Incest When She Gave Her Brother Forty Whacks

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Monday, 28 December 2009


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Diary Reveals Lizzie Borden Committed Incest When She Gave Her Brother Forty Whacks
She'd creep into his room by night and was better than a wet dream

Lizzie Borden, the American Woman of the 19th century who was most famous for killing her parents with an axe, was also involved in an incestuous relationship with her brother. The long lost diary of Dewey Borden, discovered in a trunk in Bangor, Maine, reveals the details of the incest.

His entries regarding his relatinship with his older sister begin shortly after his 13th birthday. He says that "Lizzie came to my room last night after everyone went to bed. She asked me if I enjoyed playing with it. When I told her I didn't know what she meant, she pulled down the covers, pulled up my nightshirt, and said that she'd make a man out of me."

"I awaited her actions and often begged for more frequent visits, but she'd never discuss it during the day. Our monthly adventure was better than any actions by myself and more pleasureable than any nocturnal emission (wet dream)."

Dewey reveals that Lizzie used to come into his room once a month over the next 40 months (always on the night of the full moon) and masturbate him to climax. "The action seemed to give her great pleasure. She'd refuse, however, when I'd offer her similar stimulation."

This activity ceased, however, when sixteen year old Dewey left to attend West Point Military Academy. The next month, instead of stimulating her brother, Borden instead got her pleasure by murdering her parents.

And now you know the rest of the story!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more