Detroit - (Pie-in-the-Sky): Forensic DNA analysis of syringe bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab has thrown up a direct link to President Barack Obama.
The 23 year-old 'Nigerian' had been spotted on police video footage talking to Obama in London during his Summer 2008 White House campaign schmooze of UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown.
"Pa, where's my truss fund handout?" Abdulmutallab appears to be saying as Obama deals him a rapid backhander, sending him reeling into the bushes.
Officially there has been no response from the White House as the President convened an emergency gagging session of the Joint Chiefs of Stuff following Abdulmutallab's capture.
"Mr President, how about a smear campaign of Tiger Woods if things get tricky with young Umar?" was the only helpful suggestion from the FBI as news of the DNA match spread like wildfire.
"He's in such shit-deep trouble with the media that blaming him for Umar's paternity would be a cinch, with the right kind of CIA backup!"
Michelle Obama is one helluva of a class act.
