Nordegren crashes Escalade: plumber, mailman injured
Early this morning, Elin Nordegren crashed a Cadillac Escalade into a neighbor's hedge, sending the vehicle careening into BMW parked nearby. Elmer Pudd, the plumber for Nordegren's mansion, and Barney Pfaff, the mailman assigned to the neighborhood,...
Read full storyTiger Woods' megayacht seen 'bobbing madly' on calm seas
In the aftermath of revelations that he has been multiply unfaithful to his wife, Tiger Woods, the world's first golf billionaire, has decided to spend the holidays on his megayacht, 'Privacy'. Woods has recently been dodging the press, the police...
Read full storyBrittany Murphy suicide/foul play/drugs OD probed as Jessica Simpson lashes out
Los Angeles - (Propofool): Forensic cops were still swabbing down the actress/singer's bathroom after her limp, naked body was found slumped in the shower. The Clueless star had recently undergone a post-operative Viocodin detox after becoming a...
Read full storyThe Initials 'CEO' Now Have A Whole New Meaning
At one time in our no-so-distant past the term 'CEO', meaning 'Chief Executive Officer', was invented to replace the perfectly good word 'President' as the title for the person heading up a company or corporation. For some reason, some bureaucratic gerbils somewhere decided that acronyms were better than names for describing institutions, treaties, corporations and other entities of importance...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing's Chris Hollins Beats Ricky Whittle To Win The First Place Title
LONDON - The odds-on-favorite did not win this year's edition of Strictly Come Dancing. A disappointed Ricky Whittle said backstage that he wishes more people would have voted for him but he understands that a lot of them were out doing some Christma...
Read full storyPink Tells Prince William To Stop His Damn Fox Hunting
FITZROVIA, England - Pink, the American singer, not the Danish porn actress, or the infamous call girl from the Netherlands was in the London suburb visiting her Aunt Chartreuse and was asked how her PETA campaign is going. The 30-year-old said th...
Read full storyTom Brady's Baby Named Benjamin , Not Tiger
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen baby boy that has been keeping them awake at night has a name: Benjamin. The news came out after some speculated that it might be "Tiger" but that has been proven untru...
Read full storyRachel Uchitel: 'Size Does Matter!'
Heddinghausen, Germany - Rachel Uchitel, in an exclusive interview, let it be known that size does matter. 'If a woman says that size doesn't matter, her boyfriend or husband has a teeny weenie. Size is very important', she said when asked about h...
Read full storyTiger's Woody Pecked a Lot of Holes
December 20, 2009--Mistress number 2500 has been disclosed as the infamous Boy Pal Woody Woodpecker, cartoon icon of the 1950s and star of the "The Woody Woodpecker Show", which debuted in 1957. Says Woody, "I can tell you right now, Tiger's Woody...
Read full storyMystery surrounds 'Clueless' Brittany Murphy death
Los Angeles - (WTF?): Paramedics at the Seedy-Sinai Hospital fought in vain to revive the Clueless actress who collapsed with a cardiac arrest today aged 32. Shocked relatives had only just got over the star's husband Simon Monjack's sudden, inex...
Read full storyLittle girl prays for teacher and is suspended!
A pupil from a school in Britain's notorious Bible Belt - Weston-super-Mare was suspended today for bullying her teacher by offering to pray for her. The little girl, aged 9, had heard that her 57-year-old Maths teacher, Miss Calculus, was ill and wo...
Read full storySuperbowl Tailgate Parties Banned
Miami - NFL commissioner Roger Goodell stunned football fans by announcing that tailgate parties will be banned at the 2010 Super bowl XLIV at Dolphin Stadium in Miami due to Al Quada planting grenades disguised as Budweiser pull-top cans at beer dis...
Read full storyLuis Ramirez and vigilantly justice
POTTSVILLE, Pa. - Illegal immigrant Luis Ramirez groped a girl in the park and was beaten by two teenagers who tried to save the girl. Ramirez died in the fight and the jury acquitted the teens who came to the aid of the girl. The jury found the...
Read full storyCensorship In [CENSORED]
[CENSORED] - Today a report was released showing that more and more Americans are being censored as they write blogs, articles and even emails. Sen. [CENSORED] today stated that real Americans can understand the need to be watched over and censore...
Read full storyDale Earnhardt Jr. And Danica Patrick Hook Up!
It was a new but welcome experience for Dale Earnhardt Junior as he looked at the number of reporters about them, because all the questions were aimed at NASCAR driver Danica Patrick! "It's true that I didn't get too many questions up there," Earn...
Read full storyKate Middleton's Tiger shagging gets her red card for royal Christmas
Sandringham, Norfuk - (Bonkers): Desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton's been banned from the annual shindig. A last minute deal with UK tabloids shred the Tiger shagging photos taken at a Gleneagles cathouse earlier this year. In return the m...
Read full storySoccer Announcer Skoob Interiews Bill Parcells over Rumour "Big Tuna" Set to Help Bail Out Man U!
Hot Soccer announcer Skoob1999, appearing without co-host Erin Andrews who was reportedly out with a bad case of goose bumps due to an extended case of recorded nakedness, landed "a big one" in the aftermath of bloodletting at the management level of...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse and Her Ex-Husband Blake Fielder Civil Announce They're Getting Married (Again)
LONDON - Amy Winehouse, the soul, jazz, doo-wop singer has just informed the British press that her and ex-hubby Blake Fielder Civil have just become engaged. Winehouse said that Blake accompanied her to The Tattle Tail Tattoo Parlor in West Wickh...
Read full storySinn Fein's Gerry Macadams reveals family's violent abuse history
Provisional Sinn Fein leader Gerry Macadams has revealed his family has had a long history of violent abuse towards many people. Macadams himself was chief of staff of the Provisional IRA in the early 1970s, and so was responsible for the murder o...
Read full storyEurostar mulfunction caused by driver's onions
Eurostar came to a halt in the Channel Tunnel and thousands of passangers stranded for hours. A team of expert investigators located the cause of the mulfunction in the driver's cabin. A temperature sensor was blocked by the driver's onions. The...
Read full storySherlock Holmes and the Robert Downey Junior Mystery
Dr. Watson sat reading the day's copy of The Thymes, when his colleague Sherlock Holmes came into the room. 'Ah, Watson', that sleuth said, 'what a beautiful day it is! What's in the news?', and he grabbed Watson's paper and quickly leafed through it, then suddenly stopped in amazement. 'I don't believe it!', he gasped, 'I must sit down, this is dreadful!' 'What's wrong, Holmes, didn't W.G.Grace m...
Read full storyObama & Gore In Denial over "Blizzard of '09": Continue to Press Warming Claims!
Independent Journalists were met with a cold shoulder today as they tried to confront Global Warming Guru Al Gore, and Copenhagen Court Jester Barry Obama over the eastern seaboard's inundation with a record snow fall and freezing winds which only c...
Read full storySolar Ice Cap Receding IPCC Reports
East Anglia (AP) - In the wake of retreating sea ice and glaciers on earth, IPCC scientists at East Anglia now report that the solar ice cap has nearly disappeared and may be completely gone by 2035. The effect of the loss of the solar ice cap is ex...
Read full storySecret Urinal Camera In Senate & House Has Mixed Results, Nuts
According to an insider, an aide, at the U.S Senate and confirmed by that of another aide, this one in the House of Representatives, two very small secret cameras were set up over the urinals there and the results being passed around have shocked man...
Read full storyHughes Accepts City Sacking
Less than 24 hours after his dismissal, Mark Hughes seemed complacent with Manchester City's decision. "We were only 6th in the table and of course that's not good enough. Any manager who has that much money should be top of the table. I apologise...
Read full storyHomeless and Bankrupt Kerry Katona Signs On As Spoof Editorial Assistant!
I'm a Celeb contest winner and Iceland spokesperson Kerry Katona went round the bend yesterday when notified she'd be losing her $1.5M mansion for lack of mortgage payments. U-Tube clips showed the former celebrity falling off the wagon on her han...
Read full storySanta? A Role Model? Enough already! Give him a break!
"Santa Claus: a public health pariah?" is the title of a piece that is appearing in the Christman edition of the British Medical Journal (BMJ 2009;339:b5261). What it's essentially saying is that good old Saint Nick should lose all that weight so as to be a healthy role model for our global youth. How much more can Santa do to be politically correct nowadays? He's already done so much in or...
Read full storyGlobal warming theory confirmed, half of the world is buried in SNOW and ICE!
After spending X billion $ in Copenhagen on a totally useless, worthless conference (well the hotels and food were OK) whilst leaving Denmark the delegates were personally treated to the effects of Global Warming, SNOW, SNOW, AND EVEN MORE SNOW! T...
Read full storyBlackjack winnings fuelled Tiger's Russian Roulette nuptial punt
Las Vegas - (Rien Ne Va Plus): "Taking the shirt off a casino's back? That's Tiger's idea of a game of strip poker," cocktrail (sic) waitress Jamie Jungers said today. And massive Vegas card game winnings financed his philandering rampage while ke...
Read full storyKevin Jonas Marries Danielle Delesea In New York Snowstorm
A report out of New York in the middle of a snowstorm says that the oldest brother of pop group the Jonas Brothers and a former hairdresser have married at a French-style chateau in suburban New York. One magazine reported a heavy snowstorm bore d...
Read full story"Arbeit Macht Frei" saga Part 2, Israel declares war on the US, Germany, GB, Russia, Poland, in fact the whole world!
After secretly being "nicked" (Arbeit Macht Frei sign) by the US, CIA, and Jaggedone's intrepid CIA (cockroach infiltration army) divulging the TRUTH, Israel have escalated this minor prank into a full blown situation and declared war on the rest of...
Read full storyWhats The Point Of Living?
Depths of Hell- Whats the point of living is one writers journey into the depths of irrational reasoning. With banks receiving bailouts from the gov, rich people getting paid by the gov, poor people being laid off by the gov screwing everyone, whats the point of living? President Barrack youmotherfucker Obama has literally screwed the whole United States. He has rammed his neo-nazi communist,...
Read full storyElin Nordegren Golf Clubs Launched
After signing on Elin Nordegren as their spokesperson, plans have been announced by Pooma to launch the Elin Nordegren Golf Clubs for Women. "I'm really excited about this new line of clubs," Elin said. "Not only will you be able to play a great g...
Read full storyMichigan Touts Growth of Labor Export Market
Lansing, MI - Michigan's unemployment rate currently sits at 14.7%, the highest in the nation. That is lowered than the 15.3% in October. Governor Jennifer Granholm touted the drop and pinned it on the state's growing labor export sector. "While s...
Read full storyBoxer Briefs Company Signs Tiger Woods To A Long Contract (No Pun Intended)
LONG BEACH, California - The Up For The Count Boxer Briefs Company based in Long Beach, has just signed Tiger Woods to a nice long contract. Company spokesperson Archer "Shorts" Wickenbird said that lately Mr. Woods advertising sponsors have been...
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