Tiger Woods GAINS A New Sponsor

Written by Aisubeki Akiudo

Sunday, 20 December 2009


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Less Golf, Mo Sexy Stuff, Mo Money

In a month that has been a torturous one for the world's greatest golfer, some good news at last. A new sponsorship deal could net Woods the tidy sum of $20million over a two year contracted period.

Sexy Muthafucka Crotch Enhancers (SMCE) are a worldwide wholesalers and manufacturers of crotch-enhancing underwear who have described the recent revelations about Mr Woods as 'The working of a horny brother with passion for perfect pussy'.

Products vary, but the biggest seller hoping to be spawned by Mr Woods by the company is a leather jockstrap with reinforced front packing filled with a pound of foam to create the ' hung like a donkey look'

"Tiger's called Tiger for a damned good reason, y'all", explained SMCE's CEO Darius 'Mofofosho' Morrison.

"Brother's a bad muthafucka, slipping into the ladies so smooth and easy, it's like his dick was born to perform. The boy could be a fine role model for aspiring fuckmachines", he added.

Mr Woods has not fomally accepted the deal, but it is believed that with current pressures, he may have to. Tak are also in place, allegedly, with Ron Jeremy to film a 'Golfers With Gifted Gonads' series of films that could earn Woods up to another $30million.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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