Elin Nordegren Golf Clubs Launched

Funny story written by jewel64

Sunday, 20 December 2009


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image for Elin Nordegren Golf Clubs Launched
From the Elin Nordegren Collection

After signing on Elin Nordegren as their spokesperson, plans have been announced by Pooma to launch the Elin Nordegren Golf Clubs for Women.

"I'm really excited about this new line of clubs," Elin said. "Not only will you be able to play a great game of golf with clubs designed especially for the female physique, but you'll be able to use them to beat the crap out of your adulterous husband."

The clubs will feature ergonomically correct rubber grips in beautiful designer colors such as Pissed-Off Pink, Livid Lavender, Angry Aqua, Bitchslap Blue, Revenge Red, Mangle Magenta and Violent Violet as well as neutral shades such as Beatup Black, Whackem White and the popular Tomcat (aka Tiger) Tan.

"You want to look your best while beating the living shit out of your lying, cheating scumbag husband," Ms. Nordegren continued. "After all, a girl just has to look pretty."

Pooma wholeheartedly agrees and added that color-coordinated golf bags will also be available in the same fashionable shades.

"In addition, the sweet spot is much larger than the average club which helps with aim and alignment," a company spokesman added. "The more aerodynamically efficient a design, and more speed with which the club can be moved, the greater the impact to the human skull. Wronged wives want to make sure of maximum results, and they feel that the Elin Nordegren Clubs will get the job done, whether on the tee or in the home."

"After much discussion, I was fortunate enough to test the prototype around 2:25am on November 28th," Elin disclosed. "But a careful analysis revealed there needed to be improvements because, well, as you can see, Tiger is still breathing."

The clubs are a bargain at $899 for the 14-piece set and $599 for the 9-piece set. The 14-club configuration includes a bloodstain-resistant titanium driver, three easy-to-clean stainless steel fairway woods, three hybrids, two irons, three wedges and a mallet putter. The 9-piece set includes the driver, one fairway wood, two hybrids, one iron, two wedges and the putter.

As a promotion, Pooma plans to give away free sets of Elin Nordegren Clubs with a color-coordinated cart bag to the first 100 customers at the grand opening of its new store located in the Windermere Mall in Windermere, Florida.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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