FITZROVIA, England - Pink, the American singer, not the Danish porn actress, or the infamous call girl from the Netherlands was in the London suburb visiting her Aunt Chartreuse and was asked how her PETA campaign is going.
The 30-year-old said that it is going really well. She said that thanks to her efforts, great white hunters are no longer allowed to hunt giraffes in Kenya.
She added that she has also single-handedly been responsible for forcing Norway to ban any sardine fishing with 300 miles of the Norwegian coast.
The pop rock and rhythm and blues songstress was asked why she is so obsessed with animal rights when there are people, human people all over the planet who have no rights.
She responded by saying that she cannot help it that the Icelandic citizens do not stand up and demand that the government of Iceland do away with the exorbitant taxes imposed on imported goods such as French fries from France, Spanish rice from Spain, German chocolate cake from Germany, and Brazil nuts from Brazil.
The Pennsylvania born native was asked what she thought about the British sport of fox hunting.
Pink turned pink and said that she thought that it was atrocious. She said that she saw a photograph in The Portsmouth Pressed Poster that showed Prince William all dressed up like Smokey the Bear leading a Fox Hunt just outside of Upper Tooting.
She remarked that he looked like some local yokel backwoods redneck cracker from the deep sticks of Georgia.
Pink aka Alecia Beth Moore, said that Prince Billy, as she and Russell Brand call him, looked like a reject from Haiti's Special Beachcomber's Unit.
Miss Pink added that she heard from a very close friend of Billy's that "CrownBoy" is so into the camouflage-tree limb wearing scene that even his boxer shorts are camouflaged.
She said that she will go visit his mother, Queen Elizabeth II in Buckingham Palace and demand that her little grandson stop all of this fox blasting.
She shook her head and said, "Just who the hell does this Daniel Boone limey think he is away, Sarah effen Palin or what?"
Prince William was reached at his local barbershop where he was getting his hair trimmed. He was told what Pink had said.
The prince asked, "And just who the shit is this blithering rodent rump named Pink?"
He quickly questioned if it was the porn star from Denmark, the call girl from the Netherlands, or the washed up singer from the colonies (America).
He was told that it was the washed up singer from the colonies.
"Well then," he replied. "The woman in question, who I believe is 30, but due to her stress filled life looks to be in her mid 40s, and if one looks at her cellulite infested thighs you may just push her age guess up into the lower 50s.
The prince noted that there are several things he would like to point about his verbal attacker. He said that one, her bleached blonde hair looks like something that one would expect to find on a circus horse.
He pointed out that she has got to have the worst sprayed on tan since George Hamilton's. Her nose looks like a Blue Jay could nest in either nostril, and quite comfortably he added.
Prince William went on to say that he had hear from an ex-boyfriend that the bitch, and he said that he used that term figuratively, has one inverted nipple. He commented that he believes that it is the right one.
William went on to note that her ex-husband, horse jockey Carlton Harrifitch, said that ever since their wedding in 2006, which was held on an old abandoned Costa Rican banana farm the woman, whom he affectionately called Pink [EXPLICIT FEMALE BODY PART DELETED] has lost whatever marbles she once had.
Harrifitch said that he warned her countless times against doing her own tattooing but she would not listen. He confided that in March of 2009, the tattoo she had self-done on her left knocker, which was of a tambourine became infected.
The infection soon spread to her chin, and made her look as if she had a damn goatee. Carlton said that he had reached the end of his rope and he dumped the pathetically pitiful pink puss right then and there, at a stop light in downtown Brooklyn.
In a related story. Pink emailed Queen Elizabeth II, two months ago telling her that if she did not make Prince Billy stop his fox hunting that she was going to fly to London and pee in front of Big Ben, the Royal Albert Hall, Buckingham Palace, and the BBC parking lot.
The Queen Mother who reportedly does not hold back replied, "Tell ya what Missy, ya bring yur freakin' roompus to the U.K. and you'll blimey 'ave 'ell ta pay as I will deport yur flickin' redneck caboose to da darkest jungle in Zimbabwe where dose dark little natives love white meat and they'll eatja in two minutes flat, smart alecky personality and all."
[WRITER'S AND EDITOR'S NOTE: Way to go Queeny. You da man!]
