Simon Cowell to give Susan Boyle the boot; adds Bikini elimination round to "Britain's Got Talent"
London, England - Clearly threatened by the homely dowdy looks of Susan Boyle, whose talent bares witnesses to the existence of inner beauty, Simon Cowell the creator of "Britain's Got Talent" has surprised everyone when he announced today that he is...
Read full storyPlague of Boils strikes The Spoof
After a seemingly healthy period for website The Spoof, which had long recovered from a dreadful outbreak of bad Goody articles, a plague of Boils of almost Biblical proportions struck it this week. Boil analyst Sir Hackney P. Look said: 'One minu...
Read full storyMexican Pig Dies Of 'Swine Flu'
Health experts in Mexico are tonight preparing to carry out an autopsy on a pig that is thought to have died from the deadly strain of Swine Flu. The sow, a scrawny-looking animal called Rosy, was discovered this morning by her owner, who was keen...
Read full storyBritish Family Returns From Mexico Without Swine 'Flu
There was good news for a British family tonight after they returned to the UK from their Mexican holiday, safe and sound without having caught the potentially-deadly Swine 'Flu. The Macawber family, from Chichester, spent three weeks in Mexico, a...
Read full storyJamie Lynn Spears Baby's Dad, Casey Aldridge In Wreck, Rushed To Hospital
Jamie Lynn Spears Baby's Dad, Casey Aldridge In Wreck, Rushed To Hospital Casey Aldridge, 19, the unmarried father of teen queen Jamie Lynn Spear's love child Maddie Brian is reportedly in stable condition after running off the road and into a bar...
Read full storyHoward Webb explains strange penalty decision
Howard Webb agreed to an exclusive interview with The Spoof senior sports correspondent yesterday to explain his widely criticised penalty decision against Tottenham Hotspur on Saturday. I met him outside his detached four bedroomed property in Ch...
Read full storySusan Boyle replaces iPhone's "Baby Shaker" app with...
Glasgow, Scotland - No. Not an exclusive download a song for just 99 cents record deal, but a new "Give Susan Boyle a Makeover" application. That's right now you can download an application onto your iPhone that lets you give that singing spinster fr...
Read full storyAl Gore Loosens Up, Confesses Joke
Former Vice President and near-President Al Gore says he's tired of people saying he has no sense of humor and the "stiff' jokes he's been hearing for almost thirty years now. He told reporters yesterday that back in the 1960's he ran an ad in the...
Read full storyHoward Webb appointed Manchester United Director of Football
Premier league referee Howard Webb was appointed as the new director of Football for Manchester United yesterday. The news was greeted by delirious scenes of celebration around old Trafford as Webb was hailed as a "Messiah" who would ensure Mancheste...
Read full storySwine flu spreads worldwide
It appears that the human race is completely threatened by the outbreak of a pig-based virus, which has killed 81 people in Mexico and may possibly spread to the rest of the world. Journalists have not enjoyed such a media frenzy since the devasta...
Read full storyNew ABBA musical out
Bjørn Bjørnfecker, the bearded man from well-known pop band ABBA, has announced that he is auditioning for a new musical. The working title for the new musical is "Mamma Mamma Mia!", and it is about a group of Swedish musicians who have a very suc...
Read full storyWas banker's Bahamas drive-by shooting ordered from London? Cops speculate
Nassau, Bahamas - (Sod's Banker Mess): A former NatWest banker who once botched the Queen's Cuntts & Co Enron shares portfolio was shot in the back of the head in a classic drive-by shooting rampage this weekend. The incident prompted an immed...
Read full storyHuman Flu Claims Three Michigan Swine
GRAND RAPIDS, MI - Three pigs were found dead this morning at Goody Pig Productions of Grand Rapids, MI. Human flu has been officially confirmed as the cause of death in all three cases. Michigan pig producers have been advised to take necessary st...
Read full storyAs Swine Flu spreads, OctoMom still wants kids to have piggy for a pet?
Los Angeles, California - Consistent in her denial that she does not regret her decision to exercise the selective reduction (abortion) option her pediatrician presented to her early in her pregnancy, OctoMom says she is still going ahead with her pl...
Read full storyTaliban says "No swine flu here - we don't eat or sleep with pigs. We just love our pretty fat-tailed sheep"
TALIBANISTAN - PORKISTAN: The Taliban have been crowing with delight. Mullah Sheepullah is reputed to told the BBC's man in Porkistan - Atticus Drammaticus: "There is no swine flu in our pure Muslim land because we do not eat or sleep with pigs.
Read full storyMexican president blames toxic Palace lav seat for swinish pandemic
Mexico Shitty - (Grubby Ass Mess): President Felipe Calderon has blamed a grubby Buckingham Palace throne room crapper during his March state visit to London for Mexico's swine fever pandemic. An entourage official had even complained about the Pa...
Read full storyHealth Alert: Stop eating bacon butties to avoid swine flu. Corrie Streeet's Roy's Rolls to take bacon butties off menu
LONDON, UK: The Health Ministry has issued more swine flu alerts and precautionary measures. The Health Secretary has said: "We are now asking Brits to avoid eating bacon butties - just to be on the safe side". A bitter Onslow Dole and his wife...
Read full storyThe Name's Bux, Danielle Bux. And Don't You Forget It
London, UK - She may have been evicted from Hell's Kitchen by public vote, but Gary Lineker's 'glamorous' girlfriend left celeb chef Marco Pierre White in no doubt whatever about the size of her overinflated ego when he appeared to forget her surname...
Read full storyThe Curse Of The 1966 World Cup Final
For those who witnessed it, whether live at a sun drenched Wembley Stadium, or at home on a fuzzy black and white television set, it was an unforgettable experience. The World Cup Final, England 2 West Germany 2, the game in extra time. Geoff Hurst turns in the six yard box and rifles in a shot, which careens downwards off the crossbar before bouncing out of the goalmouth. But did it actually c...
Read full storyClinton and Obama World Tour Dates
Come and see the legendary Clinton and Obama, as they embark on their record-breaking 'Why Don't We Stay In America Where We're Wanted, And Stop Pretending We're Important Across The World, We're About As Important As Donald Duck!' tour at: 30 April Basra 1 May Beirut 2 May Athens 3 May Berlin 4 May Dusseldorf 5 May Kiev 6 May Stockholm 7 May Toulouse 8 May Lyon 9 May...
Read full storyNo Easter Says The Bunny
The Easter Bunny has declared bankruptcy and wants all the little rug rats not to expect baskets full of toys, eggs and peeps instead they will get a small cardboard box with a letter in it which reads: Dear kid, you will live a life of poverty and misery thanks to the corrupt people who don't give a shit. You will have great teeth though because there's no candy for YOU! You know tha...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan And Sam Ronson Kiss And Make Up?
Hollywood, Ca - Inside sources appear to suggest that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are on the verge of kissing and making up. Some reports suggest that the couple have been seeing one another again on the quiet, apart from a posse of papparazzi. W...
Read full storyFrank Lampard's - James O'Brien admits to talking through arse at LBC
Sloppy DJ James O'Brien who boasts there are no scripts, no rules, no running orders, no research and no point to his show -admitted to sometimes pointing his arse at the microphone and letting it have a free run of the programme. Shock-Jock-Pile-...
Read full storySwine Flu or Swine Flew?
DES MOINES, IA - As the cases of Swine Flu continue to multiply around the globe, a parallel outbreak of Swine Flew is plaguing farmers and rural residents throughout the U.S. Iowa hog farmer David Lyons described the startling phenomena. "I came...
Read full storyNorth Korean Experiments Leaving Giant Mutants In Ocean
Some of the secret projects of Kim Jong Il are starting to be leaked to the west by former North Korean scientists that have slipped out of Kim's grip by fleeing into China. One such person is Kali Liu. "We have been using some of the nuclear s...
Read full storyNYC awaits confirmation of hypochondria and panic cases
New York City was today holding its breath - literally in some cases - as possible hypochondria broke out in schools and colleges there, and there were also signs of hysterical panic in some areas. The hypochondria - technically called mediae obse...
Read full storyLast Person to Leave Town too Drunk to Turn Off Lights
Kyle, Il. - A town of just more than 700 people, Kyle was a close knit community. But high taxes and a recession along with fears of continued flooding has taken it's toll on this flat bottomed community. As the population waned and businesses cl...
Read full storyTalking Dog Upsets Neighbors
Rex the Black lab, Sam the German Sheppard and Snoopy the beagle all have some very uncomplimentary things to say about their neighbor. Priscilla the talking Poodle has made some neighbors very angry with her and her owners. Rex had plenty to say...
Read full storyStephen Hawking will not make a full recovery after all
The doctors treating the stricken science fiction author Stephen Hawking have embarrassingly changed their original prognosis that he will make a full recovery. The wheelchair bound professor was admitted to PC World on Oxford Street on Monday af...
Read full storyEmergency Medicine: An Allegorical Fable in Three-Quarter Time
Once upon a time, there existed this beautiful, rainbow-festooned land called EM. On the highways and byways of the magical, mystical land called EM, there traversed a sleek, silver coach powered by six Arabian stallions. It was the The King's Coach...The Royal Coach. It was a wonder to behold especially in the moonlight as the lunar rays danced on the backs of the great steeds and made the co...
Read full storyOregon talent hunters claim to have captured "bigfoot": Susan Boyle wins despite Cowell's disbelief.
Oregon talent hunters claim to have captured "bigfoot": Huntsman, Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan claimed the female specimen "cried me a river", when we caught her". After a string of initially disparaging remarks, "Susan" as Piers Moron named the...
Read full storyPope to Canonize New Saints
Pope Benedict plans to canonize a group of new saints, according to news sources at The Vatican. The new saints will receive beatification at a ceremony in St. Peter's Basilica on the first Sunday in May. The new saints are: * Saint Helen of the...
Read full storyHook Handed Extremist Claims Pandemic Is Divine Retribution
Finsbury Park, London, England - Hook handed Islamic Fundamentalist Abdul Rahman today made the astonishing claim that the Mexican outbreak of swine-flu was a direct result of Divine retribution against the decadent west. "You have been warned. We...
Read full storyClinton renews support for killing Iraqis
US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has said the USA 'will stand and watch the people of Iraq die for our oil', during a difficult period of transition in the supposedly-colonialised country. She was speaking during her first visit to Iraq as Ameri...
Read full storyMiss USA may lose Crown, believes Alien was better than Predator
The winner of the Miss USA pageant, is in danger of losing her crown because of her controversial opinion about the Sci-Fi classic film "Alien Versus Predator." In a recent interview, while discussing one of her favorite movies, she answered a que...
Read full storyBritain's Got Talent - Hollie Steel is the new 'Julie Andrews' says Julie Andrews!
Hollie Steel, 7 and a half , is the new me says Julie Andrews. Julie who has not been in the news since 1970, because she has talent has announced to the world... Hollie Steel is actually her, because she is a DNA clone. Andrews 67, cloned her DNA...
Read full storyDetroit Lions Make Unusual Draft Picks
The Detroit Lions, the first NFL team to ever go 0-16 in a season and holders of the worst record over the last eight seasons, had the first pick in this weekend's NFL draft. As a surprise to no one, they chose a quarterback in the first round. The...
Read full storyKate Middleton loses drug secrets in a handbag
London - (Desperate Royal Wannabe Mess): A fifty billion dollar drugs sting was thrown into chaos this week after recent MI6 recruit Kate Middleton left top secret intelligence about an imminent crack bust on a bus bound for South America. The inc...
Read full storySome female says something some others don't want to hear and becomes famous
Some female somewhere in the vast world, moderately good looking, winner of "I-want-to-become-famous-as-the-best-looking-chick-of-someplace-this-year" contesting in yet another 'I-want-to-become-famous-as-the-best-looking-chick-of-some-bigger-place-t...
Read full storyWombles Incite Refugee Camp Disturbances
Calais, France - Following the closure of the Sangatte refugee camp, eastern European economic migrants set up a squatter camp in woodlands close to the French port. However, riot police moved in this week in a bid to clear the camp, known locally...
Read full storyBritain's Most Talented DJ has Dyslexia
Manchester - Britain's Most Talented DJ, DJ Talent has dyslexia claims his mother, Mrs Talent, in an exclusive interview with me. DJ Talent appeared on Britain's Got Talent on Saturday night and won over the audience and judges with his rendition...
Read full storyObama to Implement New "Torture Friendly" Methods
President Obama asked Janet Napolitano to put together a new "Torture Release Form" for all current and future detainees to keep him out of any legal problems that may come up later. He told Napolitano to include the following questions and statements on the Release Form: Do you believe you will be treated fairly during your torture? Do you have any phobias or fears that would disqualify y...
Read full storyCan You Taste The Strychnine?
Hi, honey. I'm glad you stopped by. I've been thinking alot about what you said the other day about wanting a divorce, and I've finally calmed myself down enough to discuss this separation. And look! I've cooked us a lovely duck; your favorite! I took your advice, and after drinking myself into oblivion in the west wing of my mansion--sorry, our mansion for two weeks, I'm ready to "act li...
Read full storyYankees' Outfielder Shows Too Much Ball to Fans
The New York Yankees outfielder, Manny Wadpockets, pleaded guilty yesterday to involuntary flashing charges after bending over and tying his shoes and having his pants AND shorts split, exposing his ass to a bunch of Red Sox fans headed for home at t...
Read full storyBoyle's Boob Bust
That fabulous voiced-songbird from Scotland, Susan Boyle has had her breast implants removed, according to an announcement to the media in Brr, Northern Scotland. "It's something I've been wanting to do for a long time, especially after I near bl...
Read full storyDoes watching the news on TV make you sick?
Results of research into the nausea many people feel when watching the news, has been published today. "When the audience feels uneasiness or nervousness while watching news broadcasts, especially of horrorific plane crashes and nails across the b...
Read full storySenator Mitch McConnell: No More Chicken Sacrifices In Washington, DC
A speech made by Mitch McConnell outlining his stance on poultry deaths in DC: "I come from a state that has killed more chickens that any other, the original home of the Kentucky Fried Chicken, and as long as those chickens gave their lives for a good cause, I would not say a word. Especially, with my mouth full of greasy dead chicken, which I love. "But these chicken sacrifices that severa...
Read full storyRadio 5 Live's Alan Green The Rudest Man On Radio
Alan Green, the Radio 5 Live football commentator and 606 presenter, has been voted the rudest man on the airwaves. Green frequently hosts the fans' phone-in show after games have finished, yet still hasn't learnt how to speak to people in a manner befitting a person who has been lucky enough to have landed a prize job at the BBC. Alan conducts his show as if he, himself, is the central attr...
Read full storyBoyle's Law Gets Facelift, New Application
BERKELEY, CA - Mathematicians have discovered an astonishing new application for a very old law. Published by Robert Boyle in 1662, Boyle's Law describes the inversely proportional relationship between volume and pressure in gases. Put quite simp...
Read full storyHull City Record-Breaking Season Continues!
Hull City, the Premiership newboys, continue to enjoy their first season in English football's top flight, breaking records as they go, and are on the verge of breaking yet another one next week. As has already been mentioned, this is the Tigers f...
Read full storyBea Arthur to be the New Voice of God!
Bea Arthur, the tall, somewhat masculine actress best known for her roles on Maude and Golden Girls died today at the age of 86. However, the deceased actress is still getting work. Rumor has it that Bea has a new gig as The Voice of God. Arthu...
Read full storyMental Illnesses Diagnosed in Unborn Babies - Say What?
At a clinic in Dorchester and another in Oyster Bay, New York, in the USA, doctors are now routinely diagnosing unborn babies with mental disorders including ADHD and Bipolar as well as a newly defined disease, Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder (based on...
Read full storyDumbo Suffocates In Disney Vault
Orlando, FLA-- The remains of Dumbo the Elephant were discovered today after executives opened the door to the infamous Disney Vault. "It was shocking," said Disney worker David Nathaniel. "We were planning an Alladin special HD Blue-Ray Re-R...
Read full storyBritain's Got Talent? WHERE?!
Following the runaway success of Susan Boyle on the smash TV show Britain's Got Some Talent Somewhere, not to mention the show's overwhelming influence on satirical website TheSpoof.com, I decided to take my crack reporting team to the London auditio...
Read full story'Result Was Never In Doubt' Says Liar
When Manchester United trudged dejectedly off the pitch 2-0 down to Tottenham Hotspur at Old Trafford at half time, even the most diehard United supporter must have thought that the club's season had imploded. United's defence, seemingly impregnab...
Read full story