Boyle's Law Gets Facelift, New Application

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Sunday, 26 April 2009

BERKELEY, CA - Mathematicians have discovered an astonishing new application for a very old law.

Published by Robert Boyle in 1662, Boyle's Law describes the inversely proportional relationship between volume and pressure in gases. Put quite simply, squeeze a quantity of gas into a smaller space, and its pressure goes up. Give a quantity of gas a larger volume to occupy, and its pressure goes down. The solution set to this relationship maps a particular curve when graphed.

While working late one night last week, several scientists on a legitimate work break discovered EweTube's Susan Boyle clip. One of the mathematicians joked that Boyle's law should be applied to the relationship between talent and attractiveness.

Several members of the group immediately realized he might actually be on to something. Several pages of equations later, the verdict was in. The solution set to a talent/attractiveness relationship describes the same curve when graphed as Boyle's solution set to the volume/pressure relationship.

The new law, appropriately named Susan Boyle's Law, finally gives a mathematical description to a phenomenon long suspected by many. If you are sufficiently attractive, you can get by with little talent, but if you are sufficiently homely, well then, you'd better be exceptionally talented!

Susan Boyle's Law will also be known as the Inverse Proportionality Celeb Quotient. To use Ms. Boyles as an example, assume that on a scale of 1 to 10 you would obviously need a quotient of at least 5 to be popular enough to achieve celebrity status. With an attractiveness of 2.8 and talent level of 9.7, yielding a 6.25 overall, Susan Boyle clearly has what it takes to become a bona fide celebrity.

In light of this new evidence, experts believe the immense popularity of Susan Boyle amounts to backlash after years of frustration at celebrities with attractiveness quotients of 9.7, but talent quotients more like 2.8.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top