Finsbury Park, London, England - Hook handed Islamic Fundamentalist Abdul Rahman today made the astonishing claim that the Mexican outbreak of swine-flu was a direct result of Divine retribution against the decadent west.
"You have been warned. We have been telling you for centuries that he who sleeps with the pig shall die like the pig. The pig is an unclean animal. The pig is the devil's handiwork. You chose to ignore the warning signs and to indulge in bacon sandwiches, roast pork, pork sausages, and pork scratchings down the pub.
"Now you shall reap the whirlwind. A plague shall be upon you. Father, mother, sister, brother, all worshippers of the unclean swine flesh will swept over the precipice of doom."
Hang on, we challenged.If this outbreak does indeed develop into pandemic proportions, doesn't that mean that you too will be liable to fall victim to illness? Or are you immune?
"Listen mate," Rahman said. "I ain't really got time for this right now. I gots to catch the Post Office to cash me Disability book and me Child Benefit before it shuts. Laters right?"
Leaving us somewhat stunned.
More as we get it.