5 Foot Tall Talking Vagina Invades TV Airwaves Unnoticed
People hardly notice it anymore. Like the proverbial Boiling Frog Syndrome: If one abruptly tosses a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will jump out. But if one gently places a frog into a pot of lukewarm water and turn the heat up gradually, it w...
Read full storyDemocrats Hire Trading Spaces Crew to Decorate White House
Democratic Presidential Hillary Clinton has already begun making plans for her occupation of the White House, long before even receiving her party's nomination for the presidency or the general election.
Read full storyCountry Music Legend Dies In Nashville
The Country Music Hall of Fame will have to make their latest induction posthumously as Nashville singing legend Buford T. White has gone to that "Great Old Train Station in the Sky." The singing legend, who was said to have inspired the careers of...
Read full storyAfter death of Deborah Jean Palfrey, 98% of women in America to be imprisoned.
After the suicide of Madam Deborah Jean Palfrey, the U.S. District Court in Washington, D.C. declared that every woman who ever requested money, goods or services in exchange for sex be tried for prostitution and, when found guilty, incarcerated.
Read full storyLondon's new mayor is smelly, offensive, British
London's new Mayor Boris Badenov offends like few others - the maverick bicyclist is universally beloved for his racist remarks but often maligned for his regrettable lack of dress sense.
Read full storyFastest Ingrid First
ITV1 is to screen the episode of Who Wants to be a Millionaire in which Ingrid Tarrant appears as a contestant after winning fastest finger first.
Read full storyDeborah Jean Palfrey was killed by the Christian church and the US Government
Allow me to put down my usual pie-in-the-face for a moment. Deborah Jean Palfrey, whether she committed suicide or not, was killed by the religious right and the United States government.
Read full storyMe, Myself and someone else
A Schizophrenic man who threatened suicide meant that the Police had no alternative but to treat it then as a hostage situation.
Read full storyEPA Condemns Jeremiah Wright
Where is Rev. Jeremiah Wright? After a three day aggressive press junket to disparage Obama, he has apparently slipped into oblivion since becoming persona non grata in the Obama camp for maligning his protégé, Barack Obama, this past weekend.
Read full storyBarbie Turns 50 and Suicidal
(New York, NY) Barbie will turn 50 in 2009. To mark the event a suicidal, middle-aged version of the famous doll has been released.
Read full storyTime on their Side
It's official! Manchester United fans get the best value for money in the Premiership.
Read full storyEmma and Miley To Be The Next Paris and Nicole
Today the world nearly stopped spinning as teen actresses Emma Watson and Miley Cyrus stepped out together dressed in pink tutus and tiaras, both carrying small fluffy objects (apparently dogs) in leopard print carriers.
Read full storyGrand Theft Auto Hidden Scenes
Hidden scenes have been found in Grand Theft Auto IV, the latest in the controversial video game series. It didn't take long for hackers to find the back doors into an even more disturbing world than the already offensive main story.
Read full storyUS London envoy and Boris in congestion charge amnesty summit
London - (Crafty Mess): A top secret Regent's Park summit between the US Ambassador and London mayor Boris Johnson has thrashed out a deal converting America's backlog of £5 million in unpaid congestion charges into a charitable 'donation...
Read full storySnooker with String
Pete is a Giant Panda who resides in Central London, very close in fact to the inner circle at Regents Park. He considers the likes of Jude Law, Sophie Ellis-Bexter and Jamie Oliver who live in trendy Primrose Hill as his neighbours.
Read full storyMugabe hires Dwain Chambers for election run-off
Robert Mugabe has engaged the services of drug addled athlete Dwain Chambers to compete in the forthcoming election run-off.
Read full storyTory gerrymandering grande dame Shirley Porter is Johnson's new housing strategy adviser
London - (Ass Mess): London's new mayor Boris Johnson has picked Westmonster Council's former leader Dame Shirley Porter to act as his special housing strategy adviser.
Read full storySonar detects vast Nazi tunnel matrix under Austrian incest nutter's dungeon
Amstetten - (Reuterus): Military sonar equipment has detected a massive World War II Colditz-style tunnel network under Austrian incest nutter Joseph Fritzl's subterranean dungeon hellhole.
Read full storyCarlos Tevez Cried After Scoring United's Third Against West Ham
Carlos Tevez, Manchester United's Argentinian striker, has admitted he cried real tears after scoring his team's third goal in this afternoon's 4-1 drubbing of his former club West Ham.
Read full storyBoris admits first and last mistake as Mayor
KEN Livingstone could serve a third term as London Mayor after Boris Johnson turned down the job.
Read full storyObama Beats Clinton For Nomination, Bill has her Exiled
Denver, CO. - In a stunning victory, Barack Obama carried the Democratic Party Nomination in what many are saying was the winiest campaign to date.
Read full storyDavid Blaine insists "I'm the reincarnation of Gandalf"
Magic man David Blaine has made an outrageous claim saying he is "the reincarnation of Gandalf The Great". Whilst appearing on Oprah Winfrey last night, Blaine, 50, claimed that he is indeed the reincarnation of the famed wizard. "I've known fo...
Read full storyManchester United v. Chelsea Title Race Latest
Manchester United and Chelsea go into the penultimate weekend of their titanic Premiership battle both knowing that a slip-up now could prove vital, but on the other hand, it may not be.
Read full storyGordon Brown "Disappointed" At Election Result, May Resign
Prime Minister Gordon Brown has said he is disappointed at this week's local election results, and is going to give members of the Cabinet "a piece of his mind" in the Commons next week. Later, he told his wife, Sarah,...
Read full storyBoris Johnson In 'Prime Minister Mix-up'
Boris Johnson was last night declared the winner of the London Mayoral Election after a landslide victory over his main rival Ken Livingstone, but even as the results emerged, confusion reigned in the Johnson camp.
Read full storyBush on Mugabe: "Now That's What I Call a Dictator!"
WASHINGTON, DC - In a candid interview with ABC's Barbra Walters, George W. Bush heaped praise upon Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe, hailing him as the true definition of a tyrant.
Read full storyLifespan Explained
On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'...
Read full storyDC Madam Dies of Spontaneous Human Combustion
Tarpon Springs, FL-The Pinellas County Medical Examiner's Office has listed spontaneous human combustion as the cause of Deborah Jeane Palfrey's death.
Read full storyIron Man Outsourced to Asia
New comic cinema hit Iron Man has been outsourced to Asia because of the exorbitant cost of iron production in US iron works due to ironworkers' union contracts.
Read full storyLost Angelinos Search For Their Favorite Taco Truck
LA Bureaucrats who feed on sushi and cafe latte frappacino espresso cappuchin monkee drinks are persecuting los camiones de tacos.
Read full storyExecution Express Line Opened By Supremes
Now that the Supremes have decided that veternarian-banned putting puppy to sleep drugs are not cruel or unusual enough for putting down humans, a long backlog of dead enders have begun their last mile march.
Read full storyAlcoholics Anonymous Meetings Forced to Leave Church Basements
(Somewhere in the world - Anonymous News Service) - Because so many famous politicians are flooding to AA after committing ridiculous acts of depravity, horrible driving and sleeping during Congressional Meetings, churches are becoming worried. These...
Read full storyParents Discard Unwanted Babies by Throwing Them From a Tower
SOLAPUR, INDIA - Parenting can be tough. From constantly changing rotten diapers, to waking in the middle of the night for feeding, to having to shake the damn thing until it stops screaming and finally shuts up, parenting can be an all-out struggle...
Read full storyAl-Qaeda trained Sharks strike again!
Washington, DC - For the first time in its history, the U.S. State Department has just issued a travel advisory warning Americans not to swim along all domestic and international seashores, ocean coastlines or excessively salty inland estuaries.
Read full storyMass Insanity Strikes Male Population; Barbara Walters To Blame
A serious increase in male insanity, impotence, and general puking has been linked to the shocking revelation that Barbara Walters has had an affair with a married man.
Read full storyGlasgow Rangers fans face visa heartache
Fans of Scottish UEFA cup finalists Glasgow Rangers were last night waking up in a mountain of beer cans and grinning friends just in time to hear the disappointing news that many of them will be unable to obtain the necessary documentation neede...
Read full storyBoris & Ken Demand Recount After Brian Is Crowned Pearly Queen of London
The London Mayoral result was sensationally overturned in the early hours of this morning when lawyers acting for Lib Dem candidate Brian Paddick invoked an arcane London bye-law forbidding heterosexual men with the initials 'K' or 'B'...
Read full storyObama Drinking Game Killing College Students
At least 237 cases of alcohol poisoning in the last week at campus dorms and campus bars across the US to a new drinking game called Obama Slamma. According to Craig Boiled Owl from New Mexico University, "It's because it's so easy. All you do is...
Read full storyTons of TV's Being Discarded - Hillary's Face Burned In Screen
Garbage collectors Keith Oldensmell and Buddy Moldingloves from the Dallas Municipal Waste Authority have created a screensaver for televisions that keeps your screen safe from "burn-in" just like on a computer.
Read full storyControversial new game show given go ahead on primetime TV!
Television watchdogs were left reeling last night after ITV1 gave the green light to a new primetime TV game show called 'Blind Drunk Date'.
Read full storyNew York Media Disrupts Newark NJ Police Undercover Sting; Newark Police Not Very Happy
Newark, NJ - The local Newark Police Undercover Unit set up a sting operation by sending out notices that the recipient of this letter has been randomly picked to receive two baseline tickets to a New York Yankee game.
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