A serious increase in male insanity, impotence, and general puking has been linked to the shocking revelation that Barbara Walters has had an affair with a married man.
"Oh, God, just the image of that...that...really, really old lady doing stuff with...a guy...And a guy actually, ugh, wanting to sleep with her...it...ULP! Excuse me!" whimpered poor Collin Stadd, an average man on the street that lost his lunch when he examined the repulsive story too closely.
Apparently, the Ancient One had an affair that lasted for several years in the 1970's with married U.S. Senator, Edward Brooke.
I showed Stadd's friend, Emil Gilmer, a photo of Walter's in the '70's with her scary big hair and magic marker-drawn eyebrows, only to see the poor guy fall victim to the same malady, walking off gibbering incoherently like a first round American Idol contestant from Alabama.
I tried one more time to get an opinion that wouldn't send somebody over the edge, so I asked macho married man, Alexander Dillon, for his comments. He screamed like a girl crying out, "My eyes! My eyes! Oh, God, I think it just fell off!"
"What fell off?!" his panicking wife, Susan asked.
"IT!" poor neutered Alexander whimpered, before passing out.
One can only hope that the Center For Disease Control can come up with a cure for this wretched affliction before the male population is permanently scarred, which is probably what Walters wanted all along.
