Tons of TV's Being Discarded - Hillary's Face Burned In Screen

Written by David Hawkins

Saturday, 3 May 2008

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Hello World, I am Hillary Bot!

Garbage collectors Keith Oldensmell and Buddy Moldingloves from the Dallas Municipal Waste Authority have created a screensaver for televisions that keeps your screen safe from "burn-in" just like on a computer.

Moldingloves told us that when a particular image is displayed on a screen for a long time, it is possible for the surface of the CRT to become damaged. When this happens, "ghosting" can be seen on the surface of the screen, and you can actually see the outline of the image that was displayed so many times, even when the power to the CRT is off. When this happens the phosphor is sometimes said to be "burnt in".

Two months ago, the two men began noticing they were picking up TVs left out on the curbs in remarkably increasing amounts. Each one had the image of Hillary Clinton burned into the screen. Just in the Dallas Fort-Worth area, thousands of TVs have been ruined by her face and line the streets of suburbia waiting to be picked up and taken to a landfill. It's an economic and environmental crisis.

Mr. Oldensmell found that the crooked, corporate-controlled news media was putting Hillary's face on so much that up to 79% of the time a television is on, her face is on it.

This psychological abuse not only severely damages the surface of the screen but more importantly will severely impair a person's psyche. "It would be like watching a nightmare over and over, if you could, on a screen and then trying to live your life like a normal person. It can't be done so people are just throwing out their irreversibly damaged TVs with her face just chiseled into the screen like a head on a pike staring at you every day, all day long."

"We immediately went to work making the software that comes as a remote control console that protects your screen and your brain from Clinton's evil face being etched into it permanently by the corrupt media and we have already sold 30,000 units. At $350 each, that's not chicken feed and it's amazing people care about their TV and their health enough to pay for it. We also found out that the number of suicides in the county dropped drastically since the TV Screensaver came on the market."

What's next? "We are currently designing software that allows a viewer to substitute any other face for Clinton's, Obama's, or McCain's, since these are the ones that are shown constantly." said Buddy Moldingloves.

Technology can be our friend but in the wrong hands it can kill.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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