Country Music Legend Dies In Nashville

Saturday, 3 May 2008

image for Country Music Legend Dies In Nashville
Buford White in an early 1940 color photo

The Country Music Hall of Fame will have to make their latest induction posthumously as Nashville singing legend Buford T. White has gone to that "Great Old Train Station in the Sky." The singing legend, who was said to have inspired the careers of singers from Patsy Cline thru Miley Cyrus, died in bed at the age of 87.

Coroners say that the bed was not his, the death was due to gunshot wounds, and that the bullets were fired from the gun of a jealous husband. The only witness to the crime, up and coming singer Stella Mae Stevenson (20 years old and the wife of the accused), could not be reached for comment.

White is famous for such country classics as "My Dog Licked The Tears That I Cried Over You," "Mama Shouldn't Ride Them Trains," "Them Kids Is Callin' You Mama So You Probably Wasn't A Virgin After All," "You Put My Heart on The Rails When Your Daddy Put Buckshot in My Tail," and "Jealous Husbands Are A Dime A Dozen And I Got Change For A Dollar."

Buford was scheduled to be inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame this week. During the ceremony, he would perform his two latest chart topping singles: "Jesus Ain't No Hitchhiker to My Heart" and "My Lovin' Is Bigger'n Your Daddy's Gun."

Police Investigators say that evidence shows that Billy Joe Jim Bob Stevenson returned home from his job at the feedlot to find his wife in bed naked with White. His first shot was the fatal one, hitting Buford in the heart. A second shot in the crotch was eerily reminescent of the famous White hit "Put Down the Gun, Son, And Please Don't Blow My Pecker To Heaven."

The famous singer had his first hit at the age of 15 on the Grand Ole Opry Stage. His 1936 recording of "Sharing the Love of Jesus With My Neighbors" was quickly followed by his first number one hit, "The Pastured Animals Need to Feel the Loving Too." His frequent appearances on radio talkshows and in honky tonks across the country spread his fame, fortune, and the seeds of his music and love across a country recovering from depression.

White is survived by his ninth wife, Doris, and at least eighty-two acknowledged children.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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