EPA Condemns Jeremiah Wright

Written by jim byrd

Saturday, 3 May 2008

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Where is Rev. Jeremiah Wright? After a three day aggressive press junket to disparage Obama, he has apparently slipped into oblivion since becoming persona non grata in the Obama camp for maligning his protégé, Barack Obama, this past weekend.

Jeremiah Wright, while preaching at the Dallas Friendship West Baptist Church this past Sunday, was stopped mid-sermon by an ever increasing screeching sound emitting from the pews. June Oswald forgot to turn off her Panasonic model 431 personal Geiger counter as she switched off her cell phone before the service started. The 431, lay always ready for action, in her purse on high alert. When she, embarrassingly, reached into her purse to turn it off she noticed that it was reading 225 mrems of radiation. Since Rev. Wright had paused his preaching for a moment due to the provoking screeching, the 431 retracted back into silence. For safety reasons, the mrems were too high for a simple and immediate override of the off-switch. June thought nothing of it and left it alone so as to not draw anymore attention to herself since she believed the 431 had been infirmed by a malfunction since it went off in a church, of all places.

Rev. Wright began where he left off about how it is historically accurate that Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson and the entire class of founding fathers had conspired, while concurrently writing the Declaration of Independence, to formulate some type of plague that would eradicate blacks from these fledgling United States. June's 431 began its sermon disrupting screeching again. Rather than draw more attention to herself by frantically breaching her purse, she opted to hastily adjourn to the restroom.

When Rev. Wright's highly inspirational service had concluded, Rev. Wright was shaking hands at the exit doors with the freshly inspired parishioners, and was fervently counseling everyone passing through the doors to "God damn America". June exited the restroom and tried to slink out without being noticed and being attached to the screeching. June, with her head bowed, shook his hand upon exiting the church, he asked her to "God damn American", the 431 started screeching in timbres of a highly irritating and assaulting manner.

At this point, logic was forcing a correlation between the 431's screeching and Jeremiah Wright onto June's cerebral mechanics . June, being of mixed spiritual disposition--half Rev. Wright supporter and half Christian--was torn as to what path to take on the apocalyptic fork in the road that had presented itself. Eventually the Christian half claimed victory and she dialed the emergency number for the EPA emblazoned on the back of her 431.

What happened next was a labyrinth of legal maneuvers consisting of injunctions, restraining orders, gag orders, detain orders, release orders, etc. The legal wranglings were launched by Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton in a legal tug-of-war with Jeremiah Wright, audaciously, perched in the middle.

Apparently Hillary Clinton is working vociferously with the ACLU to get Wright released and has already scheduled 7 press conferences for him in anticipation of his release. It is unclear what her motivation might be to have Wright freed and chatting up the press.

Conversely, Barack Obama, is working equally as hard to keep Wright in lock-down at the very least until sometime in November. Barack has stated as recently as Tuesday, clinging to his palaeoanthropology skills, "This is not the man I knew twenty years ago. The man I knew then was younger, less wrinkled, and had much less gray hair." He also stated, "You can take my word about his past hateful rhetoric or the tapes that the church as been selling in the lobby for 20 years of his sermons. It's your choice which one you choose to believe." Obama also stated that his wife, Michelle, believes that this Jeremiah Wright could be a double agent in the employ of all white people living in the United States, including his own Grandmother. Obama also reiterated that Wright has not had any negative influence on him pertaining to anti-American sentiment or hatred of white America. "If there has been any discernment of racism or anti-American rhetoric from any of my speeches, I can promise you it was not influenced by Rev. Wright--but by my wife, Michelle."

In one of the most damning rebukes to date of Wright by Obama, Obama has removed Wright from his myspace friend's page.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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