Man With Fake Medical Degree Performs First Succesful Brain Transplant
Wineberg Ohio - Stanley Fistula, who bought a fake Medical Degree from a fake University in a fake city that was in a fake state, that was in a fake country, that was on a fake planet, that was in a fake universe, that was in a fake dimension, perfor...
Read full storyObama's Geography Skills "Close Enough for Government Work"
In a recent speech, Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama, speaking of Greensberg, Kansas, which was devastated by a massive killer tornado last Friday, expressly stated that 10000 people were killed. In actuality, 10 people were killed.
Read full storyParis Hilton Can do 45 Days Standing on Her Head
Los Angeles County Superior Court, Paris Hilton was recently found guilty of probation violation by Los Angeles Judge Michael T. Sauer and ordered to serve a 45 days jail sentience in relation to her September DUI charges.
Read full storyLAPD Offers Explanation for May Day Melee
May 1 2007, Macarthur Park Los Angeles, The Los Angeles Police Department in an effort to disband unruly protesters apparently went overboard by attacking innocent by standards and members of the press.
Read full storySmall World After All
I waited in silence for several minutes while the Travel Agent performed what seemed to be an exhaustive search on his computer terminal. I looked at him and watched as the pale green light that reflected off of his contact lenses turned to yellow, and finally started flashing red.
Read full storyMother's Day publication date for Kate Middleton's royal sex secrets
London - (Ass Mess): This year's Mother's Day will see the publication of the long awaited first official interview with royal ex-girlfriend Kate Middleton in Ok, Ok, Ok! magazine's US edition where the spurned brunette talks frankly at l...
Read full storyBlair backs Cameron as next Labour Leader
Since announcing that he intended to step down during this parliamentary term, Tony Blair has been umming and aahhing more than a bi-curious teenage hermaphrodite about who he should throw his political weight and tarnished reputation behind in the r...
Read full storyDespondent Spongebob Contemplates Suicide
Rockefeller Plaza rooftop, NYC----Spongebob Squarepants has left his pineapple under the sea and emerged on a NYC rooftop, contemplating suicide. "This is no publicity stunt," croaked Spongebob's manager, Splashjill Rhombusjeans. The...
Read full storyLight Saber Explained
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Tatooine - Marshall Brain has finally explained how a light saber works. People have been wondering for over a decade why everyone in Star Wars and on Earth, for that matter, doesn't have a light saber.
Read full storyGerrard confident he will be struck by lightning a second time
Liverpool skipper, Steven Gerrard, has claimed he is "absolutely certain" that lightning will strike him again after a freak incident during training yesterday, and has vowed not to move from that spot until he is proven right.
Read full storyBill Clinton Pens Crossword Puzzle
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - NEW YORK - In an effort to prove that the Clintons, unlike President George W. Bush, are literate, former president Bill Clinton penned a crossword puzzle for the New York Times Magazine. Since the presidency will be a two for...
Read full storyBasil Brush makes TV Comeback as Porn Star
Top entertainment star Basil Brush today came out of retirement spectacularly with his new porn channel series - "You Dirty Little Fox."...
Read full story'Tired' Obama makes Holocaust gaffe
In a campaign slip-up, US Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama dramatically understated the estimated number of Jews killed through Nazi persecution during World War 2.
Read full story'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' Located
Lawrence, KS - Cartographers, climatologists, mathematicians and physicists at the University of Kansas have revealed the long-anticipated results of their massive T.O.T.O project (Time-Orographic Travel Obviation). The goal: to find out what is t...
Read full storyThe Wrong Sheriff
The Wrong Sheriff (A Tale of the West) by David Beaumont Most fair-minded folk Just want to live life In a way we agree Avoids trouble & strife, But there are some among us Who consume every day In holy pursuit Of clout, m…
Read full storyPortuguese newspaper Correio da Manha slams serially negligent parents
Portugal - (Ass Mess): A Portuguse newspaper Correio da Manha reporting developments in the story of an abducted British little girl has said that the night she was taken "was not the first time that her parents had left her alone while on holid...
Read full storyObama's tornado killed 'literally millions': report
Kansas - (Ass Mess): Democratic Senator for Illinois Barack Obama has told a presidential campaign audience that the recent Kansas tornado killed 'literally millions' after having a drop or two too many the other night.
Read full storyHilton appeal offers 'doing 45 days behind bar' instead of jail
California - (Ass Mess): Attorneys representing Paris Hilton in her continuing appeal over DUI conviction violations have offered a plea-bargain where their client would serve the mandatory 45 day sentence working behind a bar in a LA run-down area&#...
Read full storyBen Stiller and Vince Vaughn Team Up For Next Blockbuster
Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn are teaming up yet again in hopes of another summer blockbuster. The team have enjoyed much recent success with the surprise hit "Dodgeball". Audiences raved about their comedic interplay, and this didn't e...
Read full storyCardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor VAT fraud bankrolling thousands of illegal immigrants
London - (Ass Mess): Up to half a million of illegal immigrants in the UK are being shielded and bankrolled by funds gleaned from a massive VAT fraud perpetrated by Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor according to reports emanating from the UK Fraud...
Read full storyParis Hilton In Online Plea For Leniency
Paris Hilton, sentenced last weekend to 45 days in jail, has made an impassioned plea to judges to set her free from injustice, claiming that she makes people's lives more mundane by being at liberty.
Read full storyTories decry Blair's 'Government of the UN-dead'
London - (Ass Mess): Tories have taunted UK Prime Monster Tony Blair for presiding over a "Government of the un-dead",...
Read full storySacred Bull Sold As Black Labrador To Chinese
In a desperate move the religious organisation which owns Shambo, the sacred bull, diagnosed with bovine TB, has sold the bull secretly to a Chinese aristocrat as a Black Labrador.
Read full storyBush in Queen Cockup
President George W. Bush embarrassed the Queen at the White House in front of a packed audience. His speech started well saying: "It's a real pleasure to have The Queen here in America." But rapidly went down hill with, "I was upse...
Read full storySharpton Denies Questioning Romney's Belief in Satan During Debate
Boston - (Ass Mess): "Only those of us who believe in Satan" will defeat Republican candidate Mitt Romney in the 2008 White House campaign according to the Reverend Al Sharpton who weighed in to the debate today.
Read full storyOld woman is splashed in swimming pool!
London (Ass' Press) Earlier today, police had to be called to a local swimming baths, just round the back of Kentish Town. Where an old lady had been splashed by someone, possibly younger than her, in the local p...
Read full storyGay World Cup Reaches Its Anti-Climax
There was excitement in Birmingham at the weekend as the Gay World Cup football tournament almost reached its limp-wristed climax. The finalists, Birmingham Babbastabbers and the Arsenal Arsebandits...
Read full storyMuslim Mickey Mouse 'is evil' for veiling Minnie
California - (Ass Mess): Making Minnie Mouse don a veil in the cartoon's rip-off version on Gaza TV is "pure evil" according to Walt Disney's daughter Diane Disney Miller.
Read full storyBush Calls Queen a Wizened Old Trout
In a typically shocking blunder today U.S President George.W.Bush called Her Majesty the Queen a "wizened old trout" before laughing heartily and elbowing her in the ribs.
Read full storyTerror rapper wife arrested
The wife of the jailed terror rapper Mrs Jalalala Wowo has been arrested for raising funds with menaces. Police arrested her on Monday evening she was questioned at London's Paddington Green police station.
Read full storyOld Media Vs New Media, punch-up behind bike sheds after school!
LAS VEGAS (Rooters) - Leading media executives took a combative tone against Internet companies on Tuesday, suggesting that Big Media increasingly considers new content distributors like Goggle Inc. to be more foe than friend...
Read full storySatellite Radio Causes Erectile Dysfunction
Tampa Florida - A study done at the University of South Florida and published in The Journal of the American Medical Association proves that Satellite radio can cause erectile dysfunction.
Read full storyQueen's Next Trip To Space Shuttle
London England - Attempting to establish itself as a major space power Great Britain has decided to shoot the queen into outer space and have her spend a week on the space shuttle. She will be spending time on the the rebuilt Buran-Energia shuttle bu...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Announces Candidacy for Presidency on Democratic Ticket
Venerable talk show host, Rush Limbaugh, announced hours ago on his program's flagship radio station, WABC in New York City, that he would seek the Democratic nomination for the Presidency of the United States.
Read full storyRAF Training Midgets to Fly Mini Jet Planes - Dwarves Outraged!
Reports have recently surfaced that the Royal Air Force is believed to be actively recruiting midgets to pilot a new generation of miniature reconnaissance and fast attack aircraft.
Read full storyBob Woolmer 'Unmurdered'
Bob Woolmer, the Pakistan coach who was murdered during the cricket World Cup, has been 'unmurdered' according to reports coming out of the West Indies.
Read full storyRon Paul recalled to active duty
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With the surge of support for Congressman Ron Paul's Presidential campaign, Karl Rove has once again engineered a victory for the Republican Party establishment. In a bold move that has surprised many political analysts and p...
Read full storyBush Calls His Support for Wolfowitz the "Corruption Standard"
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Although support for World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz in Europe and in the US Congress no longer exists, George Bush continues to support his appointee.
Read full storyLast Resort Bus Entertainment
1. Get a doll and a lot of string, tie the string to the doll, and throw it outs the window, just like in Napoleon Dynamite. 2. Try to get semi-trucks to honk their horn.
Read full storyYahoo! and Myspace Anti-Ron Paul
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Internet - Yahoo! and MySpace have allegedly been deleting comments and messages posted by Ron Paul supporters. Anyone who supports Ron Paul or leaves any messages or comments about Ron Paul is reportedly in danger of having t...
Read full storyVirginia Tech Shooter Ordered To Complete Mental Health Treatment After Death
Following on recent news reports that Virginia Tech shooter Cho Seung-Hui failed to complete the mental health treatment that had been ordered more than a year before the shooting, the same court has now ordered Cho to complete his mental health trea...
Read full storyBush Had Saddam Hung to Prevent Big Oil from Having to Pay Kickbacks
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington D.C. - Chevron, the second-largest American oil company, is saying that it should have known kickbacks were being paid to Saddam Hussein on oil it bought from Iraq.
Read full storyMicrosoft Vista Developed By Al-Qaeda To Destroy World Computer Systems
Riad Saudi Arabia - Microsoft's Vista operating system was developed by computer experts working for Ben Laden and the Al-Qaeda terrorist organization.
Read full storyAngry Peckers To Sue Government
APPLEBY, NC--It was just another feast in the life of a chicken; or so thought the future finger-licking-good fowl at various U.S. based chicken farms. But when reports that the food they were eating may have been contaminated came to light last mon...
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