Gerrard confident he will be struck by lightning a second time

Funny story written by James Wallin

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

image for Gerrard confident he will be struck by lightning a second time
"About as likely as... I dunno.... Liverpool winning the Champion's League again! Well.... okay, maybe not that unlikely.

Liverpool skipper, Steven Gerrard, has claimed he is "absolutely certain" that lightning will strike him again after a freak incident during training yesterday, and has vowed not to move from that spot until he is proven right.

The England mid-fielder was struck by a random bolt of lightning while practising his diving at Liverpool's training ground yesterday afternoon. Doctors report that his health has been unaffected but the shock does seem to have made him even more wide-eyed and delusional than ever. Seemingly suffering from what experts are calling "Istanbul fever", Gerrard appears to have convinced himself that a chance occurrence has every possibility of happening in exactly the same manner a second time.

Liverpool manager, Rafa Benitez, has, amazingly, sided with his star player. "Why shouldn't lightning strike Stevie another time in totally the same way?" the Spaniard asked reporters. "If you look at the statistics of lightning strikes throughout the season and screw your eyes up really small, like this, then you can see a kind of blobby pattern which I think means it can happen again. Just look at Peter Crouch, he's constantly getting electrocuted every time his head collides with a storm cloud".

Manchester United manager, Sir Alex Ferguson has sneered at Gerrard's "farcical claims" and plans to celebrate the scouser's failure to be struck again by "doing a line of some really good stuff Carlo Ancelotti gave me and scoring some bitches with Rio and Rooney."

Milan midfielder, Gennaro Gattuso, was asked for comment but merely barked at this reporter and tried to give him a "Glasgow kiss".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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