Paris Hilton, sentenced last weekend to 45 days in jail, has made an impassioned plea to judges to set her free from injustice, claiming that she makes people's lives more mundane by being at liberty.
The celebrity socialite, whose mother has a mouth like a sewer, told reporters that she should not be locked up, because young impressionable people looked to her for guidance and excitement as an antedote to their already mundane existences.
"People look to me as a role model. They respect my views on the world" said the misguided bimbo, adding "they love me."
Her lawyer, Max Bullsheet, claimed she was a reformed character since last Friday, and that she had promised never, ever, ever to drive her car again whilst being banned from driving it.
"She realises the error of her ways, but to put her in jail together with all those terrible filthy normal people is something she doesn't deserve", he said.
Hilton's plea comes after a nutcase fan, called only "Joshua", started an online appeal to her fans to petition California Governor John Kimble to overturn the LA Superior Court judges decision.
Joshua told fans:
"Free Paris! I love her! I love her! I want to lick (deleted in the interests of good taste). Free Paris!"
Asked to comment on the likelihood of Miss Hilton being spared having to serve her sentence, Mr Kimble would say only:
"Talk to the hand."
