Virginia Tech Shooter Ordered To Complete Mental Health Treatment After Death

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

image for Virginia Tech Shooter Ordered To Complete Mental Health Treatment After Death
Gavel in Montgomery General District Court

Following on recent news reports that Virginia Tech shooter Cho Seung-Hui failed to complete the mental health treatment that had been ordered more than a year before the shooting, the same court has now ordered Cho to complete his mental health treatment after death.

There has long been a growing trend toward specialized courts such as drug courts, mental health courts, bestiality courts, and so on. Now the Montgomery General District Court has established a new division for dealing with paranormal issues.

Because of the difficulty courts have handling paranormal matters, the Blacksburg division of the court brought in the late Chief Justice John Marshall, a Virginian who finished his service on the US Supreme Court in 1835. The Hon. Gino Williams, current Chief Judge of the Montgomery General District Court, noted that "Marshall was known for pushing the boundaries of what courts can do." This is perhaps best exemplified by his landmark 1803 decision in Marbury v. Madison.

In Marshall's first case as Special Justice in the new Paranormal Court of Blacksburg, he presided over a hearing as to how to protect the spirit world from Cho now that he had crossed over. Judge Williams brought in Patricia Arquette from the TV show Medium to interpret the proceedings for the living.

In the end, Marshall ordered Cho to complete his mental health treatment. Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung will be counseling the young man. Should he fail to complete the treatment as ordered, he may be sentenced to eternal afterlife without possibility of parole, as this Court does not have the power to impose an afterdeath sentence.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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