LAPD Offers Explanation for May Day Melee

Funny story written by Buck E Filbert

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

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LAPD welcomes immigrants

May 1 2007, Macarthur Park Los Angeles, The Los Angeles Police Department in an effort to disband unruly protesters apparently went overboard by attacking innocent by standards and members of the press.

Members of the elite police unit, Unit B, in full riot gear, advanced on groups of people shooting some 150\ rubber bullets indiscriminately into the crowd, swinging batons on everyone and everything in their path. This included camerapersons and reporters.

Injuries from the action ranged from bad bruising from rubber bullets to one reporter suffering a dislocated shoulder.

While this on the surface this could appear unusually brutal, members of Unit B offered this explanation.

"We used rubber bullets and I think that says a lot for our restraint, we wanted to use real bullets but superiors restricted us to rubber bullets. Occasionally you need live fire exercises, all these illegal aliens were irresistible target practice," said one officer.

Illegal aliens are well known for not causing problems when abused fearing reprisal or deportation.

Another Unit B officer who requested to remain anonymous said, I thought it was softball practice, we had a game coming up the next weekend and we're a little out of practice what better way to hone our skills than a little human piƱata bashing.

There are currently 5 independent investigations looking into police wrong doing. The investigations can take between 10 to 15 years to complete. In the mean time all the officers involved are on fully paid leave until the results come in, by then they should be into fully paid retirement.

From the desk of
Buck E Filbert

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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