Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor VAT fraud bankrolling thousands of illegal immigrants

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

image for Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor VAT fraud bankrolling thousands of illegal immigrants
Cormac Murphy O'Connor was a bit unsteady on his legs when UK cops first questioned him

London - (Ass Mess): Up to half a million of illegal immigrants in the UK are being shielded and bankrolled by funds gleaned from a massive VAT fraud perpetrated by Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor according to reports emanating from the UK Fraud Squad.

Cormac Murphy O'Connor was reported last year as being the alleged mastermind in a complex and lengthy massive VAT fraud involving the siphoning off of billions of pounds of exchequer revenue from a mobile phones scam originating in Hong Kong.

The funds were diverted through local parish church bank accounts while MI5 and Special Branch were distracted into probing Islamic 'hawala' money laundering systems used by Al Qaeda.

However, UK Fraud Squad top brass maintained a discreet low profile in their investigation of O'Connor following widespread allegations that he has has headed a swindlers' cartel for the last ten years.

This allegedly spent stolen millions of IRA-accumulated funds on high-tech communications equipment which were then re-sold back to IRA consumer outlets in Blair's Private/Public Partnership Programmes.

"He may have pocketed the seventeen and a half per cent VAT and buried it in the Vatican Bank's offshore accounts in Taiwan iitially," a Fraud Squad spokesman said today.

Over the years the money accumulated until billions were distributed by O'Connor's aparatchicks at his Good Friday IRA Agreement outreach workers in the so-called Axis of Evil member states, some even eventually finding their way into the coffers of North Korean President Kim Jong Ill's disputed Macao bank accounts.

CIA investigations also tracked O'Connor's VAT fraud shenanigans and found a paper-trail linking his swindle to North Korean leechings off Hizbollah, Hamas and the Dutch Brotherly Love, Freedom and Diversity Party via disbursements authorised by World Bank CEO Paul Wolfowitz.

Billions of VAT fraud swindled from the UK exchequer has now paid for up to half a million illegal UK immigrants' fraudulent ID papers which may have assisted them in obtaining welfare payments calculated at exceeding £10 billion since 1997.

Other areas of the swindle financed the research and construction of the North Korean Tie Poodle Dog long-range missiles, a prototype of which was tested on July 4th last year over the western Japanese Ocean.

O'Connor's PR department has consistently denied press reports that he has always maintained a somewhat sangfroid butter-wouldn't-melt-in-his-arse type of public profile.

His CV allegedly show his academic qualifications to be limited to a Masters Degree in Hypocrisy and Religious Twaddle from the Vatican Divinity and Devil Worship Directorate in Rome in 1963.

Last year UK Fraud Squad cops branded his involvement in global-scale fraud, money-laundering, arms-running, terror-funding and ballistic-missile testing as 'tip of the iceberg stuff'.

This week his boss Joseph Ratzinger's official visit to Brazil may provide exactly the evidence that the CIA has been waiting for as Ratzinger's Colombian cocaine cartel dues are sanitised via Vatican accounts in Sao Paulo and then laundered through the Vatican's Diplomatic Bag on the homeward hourney back to Rome.

A full report is expected next week.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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