Cutty Sark Fire - Cause Discovered
Scotland Yard today completed an extensive forensic examination of the remains of the celebrated tea clipper the Cutty Sark and concluded that the cause of the devastating fire was that the whole ship was made of wood.
Read full storySenator John McCain loses it...again!
An outburst on the Senate floor has led to one Senator being hospitalized, another senator's car left in ruins - and Senator John McCain's arrest.
Read full story8 Demons Cast Out of Hillary Clinton During Exorcism
Democratic Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton underwent an exorcism. An official with the Clinton Campaign, speaking under condition of strict anonymity, said that the exorcism was performed in a Roman Catholic church, somewhere in the northeaster...
Read full storyMike Tyson to replace Katie Couric as anchor of CBS Evening News
CBS announced today that Katie Couric will be leaving the CBS Evening News at some point within the next thirty days and that she will be replaced by former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson.
Read full storyHigher Education for the Illiterate
A recent study indicating that the vast majority of college graduates are able to read and write has prompted many people to demand equal access for persons lacking the skills of literacy.
Read full story"Damned spooky!" Juneau's mayor reels at earthquake premonition
Juneau, Alaska - (Ass Mess): Just last week on 17 May Juneau Mayor Bruce M Botel-Ho told the press that fast-moving events centered around the Corrupt Bastards Club had left him reeling from shock.
Read full storyParis Hilton's Prison Ant Farm?
According to Celebrity Tribute, just days before her required incarceration ordered by a California court judge stemming from an earlier drunken driving conviction, Paris Hilton was sighted leaving the tony Beverly Hills pet shop "ANTS," re...
Read full storyAl Gore Files Lunar Warming Lawsuit
Washington D.C. - In yet another bizarre consequence of global warming science, claims that global warming has spread to the surface of the moon and possibly other planets within the solar system has prompted enviro-religious leader Al Gore to file a...
Read full storyTalking Animals to Start Political Party
SESAME STREET - Talking animals across the United States have announced today their intention to start a political party based on the ideals and values of talking animals everywhere. A spokesbeing for the new Young Animals Party (YAP) said in a pres...
Read full storyFirst Bribe Delivered to The Spoof
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Dublin - The first bribe from the Corrupt Bastards Club arrived at TheSpoof.com. It was earmarked for the editor, Mark Lowton, in hopes of being able to stop the writers at TheSpoof.com without having to bribe the writers indi...
Read full storyScientists Discover How Fins Become Fingers from Soup Fossil
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Chicago - Evolutionary biologist Neil Shubin of the University of Chicago and The Field Museum in Chicago found a fish fossil in his Chinese Fish Soup while visiting a Chinese restraunt this weekend. "The amazing thing ab...
Read full storyIndiana To Get Self-Serve Gas Pumps
INDIANAPOLIS (AP Newsliar) -- Indiana, the most technologically challenged state in the nation, will soon be converting from full-service to self-serve gasoline stations, if state legislators have their way.
Read full storyRepublican Hopefuls Stand By Bush, Invoke Actor... Except Ron Paul
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Republican hopefuls say they stand by President George W. Bush and his failed policies and plan to continue them like any good Nazi Republican should. Arizona Sen. John McCain, Former New York City mayor Rud...
Read full storyRupert Murdoch to allow spirited discussion between Paul, Guiliani
New York, NY -(FP) In a surprising move, due to growing pressure after the second GOP debate in South Carolina, Rupert Murdoch will allow Congressman Ron Paul and former Governor Rudolph Giuliani to have a spirited discussion about foreign policy.
Read full storyCorzine warns Bush over 'click-it or thicket' bravado
New Jersey - (Ass Mess): Governor Jon Corzine warned George Bush today about his reckless disregard for seatbelt laws and reminded him that his own folly last month cost him broken arms, legs, ribs and a massively bruised ego after failing to adhere...
Read full storyVatican Recognises "Virgin Birth" Shark - Shrine to be Built
The Vatican has today released information regarding the new shrine to be built to the newly proven "Virgin Birth" by a female shark in captivity.
Read full storyMars Rover finds evidence of variant-CJD
NASA HQ - (Ass Mess): Scientists have reported that the Mars Rover has found evidence of the Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease variant - or mad cow disease as it is more commonly known -in the new recipie Mars bars which now use bovine offal products instead...
Read full storyJapan nominates The Spoof! for Nobel Satire Prize
Tokyo - (Ass Mess): Satirical website The Spoof! has been nominated by the Japanese government for the Nobel Prize for Satire after repeated calls to honor the internet parody provider with the ultimate global recognition for services to the absurd.
Read full storyShrek Comes Out But Insists That He Is Bi, Not Just Gay
Shrek, the animated film star voiced by Michael Myers, admitted that he is gay in an interview with People Magazine on this week's newstands.
Read full storyBad 1970s Product Ideas: Tom Marvel Birth Control
…and we won't even mention Pinto bumper cars...
Read full storyGlobal warming responsible for female sperm whale parthenogenesis
London - (Ass Mess): Marine conservationists at London Zoo believe that global warming is responsible for a spate of virgin births among sperm whale females following their alarming disinterest in traditional mating.
Read full storyPaula Abdul hurts "lady garden" whilst tripping.
AMERICAN IDOL judge Paula Abdul has gone "Head over heals" over her pet Chihuahua and broken her nose, this being the real reason her septum is making its way slowly south.
Read full storyChip Shop Tractor Protest Fiasco!
A man from Milton Keynes has been arrested after driving a tractor into his local fish and chip shop 'The Crispy Cod'.
Read full storyBuckingham Palace barbecue to follow up Cutty Sark arson 'inside job'
London - (Ass Mess): The Cutty Sark arson may have been an inside job according to police probing the ship's destruction.
Read full storyNude Idol! American Idol, latest spin off.
New York - Entertainment Meekly. Fox will turn Fridays into music night with the American Idol spin-off that tries to confer stardom on a brand nude star, not just a singer.
Read full storyGore trumps Carter with 'unprecedented, sustained campaign of mass deception' Bush taunt
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Following Jimmy Carter's statement last weekend that George Bush is the worst US President ever it's now Al Gore's turn to remind the world what the vast majority of non-US oil and arms industry-pimping people...
Read full storyCameron in spotlight over glamour schools
London: David Cameron's leadership of the UK Conservative Party was today questioned by MPs angered by his decision to ditch the Party's commitment to glamour schools.
Read full storyViolent Youths Upset By Gang Tag
Research recently conducted into violent youth culture has informed us that ome of the most violent youths in soiciety are upset by the tag "gang"...
Read full storyGuinness world records, Complaints about Estate Agents hits all time high!
LONDON (RootArse) - Consumers made a record number of complaints about estate and letting agents last year, the industry's body annual report revealed this week.
Read full storyFeathers on Dinosaur Stuck on
Palaeatologists are engaged in a massive fist fight over the controversial theory that some man eating dinosaurs had feathers and looked like those japanese ones in those cheesey films.
Read full storyIs QEII The Greatest Briton Ever?
The Elizabeth the Second who has been the Queen in the world since the fifties, is rumoured to be the favourite for this year's race to be the Greatest Briton 2007...
Read full storyEnergy Shake up for Parliament
It has been announced today that there will be a major energy shake up in the both the Houses of Commons and Lords shortly.
Read full storyInappropriate labels for gangs and criminals.
The use of the word "gangs" to describe youths who hang around committing crime could make their activities worse, a study has claimed.
Read full storyNew evidence turns up to support US invasion of Iraq.
WASHINGTOWN (RootArse) - Osama bin Liner ordered al Qaeda's leader in Iraq, Abu Mosad ali Xanadu the third, to form a cell in 2005 to plot attacks outside of Iraq and make the United States his main target, a sen...
Read full storyNew Harry Potter Film To Be Given Tokyo Premiere
Tokyo is to host the world premiere of the fifth, and hopefully last, in the series of Harry Potter film extravaganzas, The Orders Of Pat Phoenix, on June 28. The city, which is in Japan
Read full storyGlobal Warming Much Worse; World to End Next Year
A pessimistic report on global warming reveals that the entire planet Earth will burn to a cinder in less than 2 years, according to Ralph Stetson, Chairman of the film department at Collins College in Tempe, AZ.
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